Temsula Ao (1945-2022)

Summary and Thematic Concerns

SUMMARY

Brief Synopsis

Temsula Ao’s Aosenla’s Story is a short novella that explores the life of Aosenla, a young woman from the Ao-Naga community in Northeast India. The story follows her journey from a hopeful college student to a wife trapped in a patriarchal and emotionally oppressive marriage. Forced into marrying a much older man for social status, Aosenla experiences emotional neglect, sexual coercion, and personal loss, including a traumatic miscarriage. Despite years of silence and suffering, she gradually asserts her independence, reclaims her dignity, and becomes the emotional and moral center of her household. Through her resilience and quiet strength, the story highlights themes of gender inequality, internalized patriarchy, female agency, and the transformative power of inner resistance within a traditional society.

The Setting and Atmosphere

The chapter begins on a hot summer evening as the heat of the day lingers. The estate, where Aosenla lives, has two houses: a large, imposing house and a smaller, quieter one. The big house represents authority and power, while the smaller house provides Aosenla with some sense of personal space. However, she is still under the influence of the big house and its occupants, particularly her controlling mother-in-law.

As the evening progresses, Aosenla sits on the verandah of the smaller house, lost in thought. She listens to the distant sounds of her children playing but does not engage with them. Instead, she reflects on her life, her lack of independence, and the power that the big house holds over her. Since her marriage, she has lost her identity, becoming only a wife and daughter-in-law in a wealthy, influential family.

Aosenla’s Life in the Estate: Limited Independence

Although she and her husband have their own house within the estate, her in-laws still dominate their lives. Her mother-in-law, a proud and authoritative woman, constantly orders servants around, making it clear that she controls the estate. Aosenla avoids direct conflict but feels the weight of this power over her.

She holds a wedding invitation in her hands, which had arrived earlier that day. It announces the marriage of the son of a powerful businessman, but Aosenla does not recognize the bride’s name. After recalling local gossip, she realizes the girl is from a modest background and works as a teacher. The groom’s family has already decided that she must leave her job after marriage. Aosenla understands that this marriage is not about love but social convenience. The groom is known for his reckless behavior, and by marrying a quiet, humble girl, his family ensures she will not challenge his actions. This realization unsettles Aosenla, as it reminds her of her own marriage.

Aosenla’s Past: Dreams of Education and Freedom

Thinking about the upcoming wedding, Aosenla remembers her own past. Like the bride-to-be, she once had dreams of independence. She was an intelligent student who won a scholarship to college, where she thrived in a supportive academic environment. She hoped to continue her education, pursue a career, and care for her aging parents.

However, one evening, her mother tearfully informed her that she was to be married the following month. Aosenla was shocked and protested, explaining that she was only in her second year of college and wanted to continue studying. But her father had already accepted the marriage proposal without consulting her. He believed that women did not need higher education because their primary role was to get married and take care of a household.

The Conflict Between Tradition and Aosenla’s Aspirations

Aosenla’s mother understood her daughter’s unhappiness but felt powerless to intervene. In their society, a wife was expected to support her husband’s decisions. The mother secretly worried about Aosenla’s future because the groom was older and from a much wealthier family, where Aosenla might always feel like an outsider. However, she felt obligated to push her daughter into marriage because it was her husband’s decision.

Aosenla refused to accept this fate and secretly planned to run away on the third day after hearing the news. However, her mother realized what she was about to do and cleverly stopped her by assigning her household tasks. Trapped in her home, Aosenla withdrew into silence. Her father assumed she was accepting the marriage, but she was actually filled with quiet resistance.

Relatives soon heard about Aosenla’s defiance and criticized her parents for being too lenient. They believed she was being selfish by rejecting such a good marriage proposal. To them, education was unnecessary for a woman when a wealthy husband had been found. Aosenla’s father, frustrated by her refusal, declared that the marriage must take place as planned. He regretted ever allowing her to attend college, believing that education had made her rebellious.

Aosenla’s Realization: Gender Inequality in Her Family

During her forced isolation, Aosenla reflected on her past and recognized the gender differences in her family. As a child, she had not noticed any discrimination. In fact, her father seemed to favor her at times, bringing her gifts and treating her kindly. However, looking back, she realized that he treated her brothers differently.

Her father played sports with her brothers and shared casual moments of bonding with them, while his relationship with Aosenla was always distant and formal. This realization hurt her deeply. She had always believed her father loved her unconditionally, but now she saw him as someone who had betrayed her by forcing her into marriage.

Her brothers’ attitude toward her struggle further highlighted this divide. When she confided in them, they dismissed her concerns, telling her that love did not matter in marriage. They saw it as a practical arrangement that would benefit her. Aosenla was shocked by their indifference. She had always supported her brothers, but now she realized that they saw marriage very differently from her. This moment marked a turning point in her understanding of gender differences in society.

Conclusion: Aosenla’s Awakening

By the end of the chapter, Aosenla reaches an important realization. She sees that women are treated differently from men, not only physically but also in terms of freedom, emotions, and intellectual growth. She understands that her father, mother, and brothers all see her role in life differently than she does. This awareness marks the beginning of her transformation. No longer just a hopeful young girl, she now faces the harsh realities of being a woman in a patriarchal society.

The Father’s Dilemma: Pressure and Fear of Disgrace

Aosenla’s father grows increasingly anxious as his daughter continues to refuse the marriage proposal. He is aware of her strong will and fears that if he does not formally accept the proposal soon, the groom’s influential family might withdraw the offer. Worse still, they might spread false rumors that Aosenla was rejected due to a flaw in her character, which would bring permanent disgrace upon their family. This social stigma would affect not only Aosenla but also the family’s reputation in their community.

In a desperate attempt to convince his daughter, the father invites his sisters and sisters-in-law to speak with her. However, Aosenla remains unmoved. When their insistence becomes too much, she boldly declares that if her parents consider her a burden, she will leave home and find work. This statement shocks the father. Fearing that his daughter might act on her words, he becomes deeply disturbed and begins drinking again, despite being a reformed alcoholic. His wife, realizing the seriousness of the situation, takes action by secretly reaching out to Aosenla’s grandmother in the village.

The Grandmother’s Intervention: A Cunning Strategy

Aosenla’s grandmother, a shrewd and experienced woman, immediately sends word that she wants to meet her granddaughter. Aosenla is unaware of the secret communication between her mother and grandmother. She is relieved to leave home for a while, hoping to escape the tension and avoid seeing her parents’ distress. However, when she arrives at her grandmother’s house, she finds no sign of urgency or concern.

While her maternal aunts and uncles visit her and exchange pleasantries, they do not mention the impending marriage. Yet, throughout the village, Aosenla’s situation is a subject of gossip. Many villagers are excited about the prestigious marriage offer and believe Aosenla is merely pretending to be reluctant. Some argue that traditional clan ties justify the marriage, while others dismiss such customs, stating that wealth and social position now matter more than lineage. Many criticize Aosenla’s resistance, blaming her education for making her rebellious. They scoff at her desire to pursue higher studies, believing that once she marries and has children, such ideas will disappear.

Aosenla’s Realization: A Manipulative Trap

Frustrated by the inaction surrounding her visit, Aosenla grows restless in her grandmother’s house. The old woman goes out for her daily social visit, leaving Aosenla to reflect on the past few weeks. She recognizes that her trip to the village was a carefully planned strategy to pressure her into agreeing to the marriage. However, she refuses to be manipulated.

Plagued by a headache and exhaustion, Aosenla falls into a troubled sleep. When she wakes up, dusk has fallen. Her grandmother has prepared dinner, and they eat in silence. Later, the old woman tells Aosenla that they are expected at her eldest maternal uncle’s house. Aosenla complies without question, assuming it is just a family visit. However, when she arrives, she is stunned to see Bendangmeren (the groom-to-be) seated comfortably near the central fireplace, treated as an honored guest.

The Unexpected Meeting with Bendangmeren

Seeing Bendangmeren up close for the first time, Aosenla feels momentarily flustered. She retreats to a bamboo platform at the back of the house, avoiding direct interaction. Her cousin, trying to suppress her amusement, joins her and makes small talk, but Aosenla remains tense. She realizes she has been tricked into this encounter and feels cornered.

Her grandmother soon approaches and speaks to her in a hushed tone, reinforcing patriarchal beliefs:

  • This marriage will make her mother happy.
  • A woman, no matter how educated or independent, always needs the protection of a man.
  • Men, even if they are blind, lame, or unattractive, are always superior to women.
  • Aosenla has a duty to her family and must not say no.

After delivering these words, the grandmother leaves Aosenla alone. Aosenla is torn between her anger at this manipulation and her fear of the consequences if she refuses the proposal.

Bendangmeren’s Assertion of Power

Just as Aosenla prepares to leave the platform, she is horrified to see Bendangmeren approaching. He appears confident, slightly amused, and calls for a chair. Someone brings him his previous seat, and another stool is placed for Aosenla. She reluctantly sits.

After a long silence, Bendangmeren speaks. His first words are direct and accusatory:

“Why are you so unwilling to marry me?”

Aosenla is taken aback by his rude and arrogant tone. When he repeats the question, she finally responds:

“I want to study further… and besides, I am too young to get married.”

Bendangmeren is surprised by her response but quickly composes himself. He argues that both their families want this marriage, and he himself wants to marry her because he “already likes” her. Aosenla notes that he says “like” and not “love,” revealing the transactional nature of the proposal.

Aosenla’s Struggle: Family Loyalty vs. Personal Will

Aosenla remains silent, unable to find the right words to oppose him. She realizes that the pressure surrounding her is immense. Her grandmother has staged this encounter, her family is eager for the match, and now she is face-to-face with the man himself. She feels trapped, as if she is being coerced into an unwanted role.

Just as she gathers the courage to say a clear “no,” her cousin interrupts by bringing them tea. Aosenla refuses the tea, but the cousin leans in and whispers:

“Father says not to scare him away.”

The weight of this statement further increases her internal conflict. Meanwhile, Bendangmeren grows impatient, smoking continuously. Inside the house, Aosenla’s uncle, sensing the tension, sends for her grandmother to intervene.

Before Aosenla can firmly reject the proposal, her grandmother arrives and dismisses her, saying:

“Go inside, Asen, you have spent enough time with him. It is my turn to talk to him.”

Feeling defeated, Aosenla leaves the platform. She rushes back to her grandmother’s house, ignoring her cousin’s calls.

The Grandmother’s Final Deception

Once Aosenla leaves, the grandmother reassures Bendangmeren:

  • Aosenla is not truly unwilling to marry him—her education has just given her “fancy ideas.”
  • She was simply shocked by the unexpected meeting.
  • Her parents have already promised that she will listen to them.
  • Since she did not say “no” directly, that means she will eventually say “yes.”
  • The wedding should be arranged as soon as possible, preferably within the month.

Bendangmeren, despite Aosenla’s resistance, leaves the meeting feeling triumphant. He is used to getting what he wants, and he views Aosenla’s rejection as a challenge. He is determined to marry her, not out of love, but because his ego refuses to accept defeat.

Aosenla’s Misplaced Relief

Back at her grandmother’s house, Aosenla mistakenly believes she has won. She thinks that by avoiding saying “yes” outright, she has made her position clear. She assumes she can now return home, resume her studies, and have her parents decline the proposal on some excuse.

However, later that night, as she lies in bed, she feels an unfamiliar sensation-she realizes that she has never been wanted before. This is the first time a man has expressed interest in her, and for a brief moment, she wonders if she should have responded differently.

At this point, Aosenla does not yet understand that the marriage is practically decided without her consent. The noose of matrimony is tightening around her, but she remains unaware.

The Manipulative Debate in Aosenla’s Maternal Uncle’s House

While Aosenla is unaware, an intense discussion takes place at her maternal uncle’s house regarding the outcome of her meeting with Bendangmeren. Her grandmother, determined to see the marriage finalized, insists that preparations should begin immediately. However, some family members express doubts, noting that Aosenla’s behavior indicated she was still unwilling to marry. One relative, in particular, voices his concern, but the grandmother quickly shuts him down, asserting that since Aosenla never explicitly said “no,” the match should proceed. She adds that Bendang himself assured her that everything was fine.

Her maternal uncle, though hesitant, suggests they ask Aosenla directly about what happened. The grandmother strongly opposes this idea, arguing that questioning Aosenla could be misinterpreted by the groom’s family and might lead to them calling off the wedding. She plays on their fears, warning them that if the marriage is canceled, their family will be disgraced and Aosenla’s reputation will be tarnished. This silences any remaining objections, as the family members, deep down, also desire the marriage to take place. However, as they leave, the elder who had initially objected advises the uncle to reconsider the situation before making a final decision.

Aosenla’s Fate is Sealed Behind Her Back

Realizing that some doubts still linger, the grandmother takes immediate action to ensure the marriage proceeds. The very next morning, she sends a carefully crafted message to Aosenla’s parents, falsely implying that Aosenla and Bendang had reached an understanding. Acting on this misinformation, Aosenla’s father wastes no time-he sends his nephew as an official emissary to accept the marriage proposal and immediately begins making wedding preparations.

Aosenla Returns Home to an Unexpected Reception

When Aosenla arrives home, she is met with a completely unexpected scene. Her normally distant father greets her with a rare smile, while her mother tearfully embraces her. The usually quiet household is filled with relatives, all busy with preparations for the wedding. Confused, Aosenla struggles to process what is happening. Though she wants to demand an explanation, she quickly realizes the truth-her grandmother has manipulated the situation to make it seem as though she had consented.

Her mother later confirms her fears, explaining that based on the grandmother’s message, her father had already sent a formal acceptance to the groom’s family. Aosenla now knows she has been trapped. Her last chance to refuse was taken from her, and the marriage is now inevitable.

Aosenla’s Growing Sense of Resignation

At first, Aosenla feels overwhelmed by anger and betrayal. However, as she observes the happiness on her parents’ faces, her emotions begin to shift. She does not fully understand why this marriage is so important to them, but their visible relief and joy make her hesitate. Slowly, the defiance she once felt begins to fade, replaced by a deep sense of resignation.

She starts to grasp the immense pressure that a traditional family can impose on an individual. Everyone around her expects her to conform, and she feels completely alone in her silent resistance. Unable to fight against the overwhelming force of family expectations, she withdraws into herself. She becomes passive, ceasing all protests, and simply watches as the wedding plans unfold. Her silence is mistaken for the natural shyness of a bride-to-be, when in reality, she is sinking into deep despair.

The Town is Consumed by the Wedding Festivities

With Aosenla’s father having formally accepted the proposal, Bendang’s family spares no effort in preparing for what is described as the grandest wedding in town. In traditional weddings, the groom’s family is responsible for all expenses, including the feasting of guests. Bendang’s father, an influential businessman, takes this responsibility seriously. Busloads of relatives from their village arrive in town a week before the wedding, enjoying lavish feasts every day. News spreads rapidly about the number of animals being slaughtered for these meals.

Friends and relatives from neighboring villages are brought to join the pre-wedding celebrations. Amidst this excitement, there is one person who remains completely excluded: the bride-to-be, Aosenla.

Aosenla’s Complete Lack of Agency in Her Own Wedding

Aosenla is not consulted on any aspect of the wedding. She does not even hear about the wedding date until a cousin mentions it in passing. Her wedding dress measurements are taken, but the fabric and design are chosen by Bendang’s sisters.

However, on one small matter, Aosenla asserts her will-she insists that a particular cousin be her bridesmaid. Some relatives protest that the cousin is older than Aosenla, but she remains firm and ultimately gets her way. This minor victory, however, does little to lift her spirits.

Aosenla’s Emotional Numbness and Memories of Her Past

On the day before the wedding, Aosenla is presented with the high-heeled shoes she will wear for the ceremony. She stares at them for a long time before suddenly bursting into uncontrollable giggles. The women around her exchange puzzled glances, misinterpreting her reaction as pride or excitement about marrying an influential man.

In reality, Aosenla is remembering something deeply personal-her first pair of adult shoes. As a child, she had treasured an old pair of hand-me-down shoes from an aunt, despite them being too big for her. She had worn them proudly to church and formal events, ignoring the quiet snickers of other girls. To her, those shoes symbolized a small step toward adulthood, something that belonged solely to her.

Now, as she faces marriage, the wedding shoes feel entirely different. They symbolize not independence, but a transition into a life she never chose. As she becomes aware of the silent expectation around her, she composes herself and tries on the shoes. They pinch slightly, but she simply nods, unwilling to voice any further objections.

Aosenla’s Reflection and Emotional Detachment

As Aosenla sits lost in thought, the memory of her pinching shoes brings her back to reality. She absentmindedly massages her foot and drops a wedding invitation, which she ignores. This small act symbolizes her growing emotional detachment from her life and marriage. She paces in her bedroom, struggling to recall what she was supposed to do that evening. When she hears the sound of Bendang’s jeep entering the compound, she is reminded of how she used to eagerly recognize the sound of his vehicle. Now, however, she feels indifferent to his arrival, highlighting the emotional distance between them.

Conflict Over the Party Invitation

Bendang enters the room and, noticing that Aosenla is not dressed for the evening, angrily reminds her about a party hosted by the Brigadier. When she claims she is not feeling well, he becomes enraged. He accuses her of neglecting her social duties and embarrassing him by refusing to attend previous gatherings. His frustration stems not just from her absence at these events but also from how others perceive her-he believes people think she has become arrogant due to her intellectual pursuits.

Bendang’s anger also reveals his materialistic ambitions. He emphasizes how the wives of other men play crucial roles in securing lucrative contracts and influential positions for their husbands. Aosenla, deeply disturbed by the implication that her presence at such gatherings is merely a tool for his social and financial gain, feels a growing sense of disillusionment. Despite her inner turmoil, she obediently changes into an evening outfit and accompanies him to the party, marking another instance of her silent submission to his authority.

Aosenla at the Party: Social Transformation and Inner Isolation

At the party, Bendang immediately heads to the bar, leaving Aosenla to fend for herself. Over the years, she has mastered the art of navigating these social events, no longer the clumsy, inexperienced girl she once was. She recalls her first party, where she spilled drinks and fumbled with food, embarrassing herself. Now, however, she carries herself with confidence, seamlessly blending into the elite crowd.

Despite her initial reluctance, she starts enjoying the party, aided by sips of rum and Coca-Cola. However, she avoids the more animated socialites and withdraws to a corner, where the soft music soothes her. As she taps her feet to the rhythm of a slow foxtrot, the Brigade Major invites her to dance. Feeling uncomfortable, she declines, stating that she is unwell. The officer politely withdraws, and the rest of the evening passes without incident.

Confrontation at Home: Bendang’s True Colors

When they return home at midnight, Bendang, now drunk and furious, confronts Aosenla. He accuses her of embarrassing him by refusing to dance with the Brigade Major, claiming that this act of disrespect might cost him an important army contract. His words shock Aosenla-he openly blames her for potentially jeopardizing his professional interests, treating her not as a wife but as a means to an end.

Instead of feeling guilty, Aosenla experiences an overwhelming sense of revulsion. She realizes that Bendang sees her merely as a tool for his advancement, willing to use her charm and presence to gain social and financial benefits. This realization is profound-something within her breaks, and she no longer feels the need to argue with him. Instead, she meekly apologizes and prepares for bed, knowing there is no point in reasoning with a drunken and insensitive man.

Aosenla’s Silent Awakening

As Bendang drunkenly collapses into bed, Aosenla remains awake, deeply disturbed by his words. For the first time, she fully grasps the reality of her marriage. She reflects on the naive dreams she once had as a young bride, believing she could mold her husband into a loving and respectable man. She had clung to romantic ideals, hoping that her devotion and patience would transform Bendang’s character.

She recalls how her family, particularly her mother-in-law, instilled in her the belief that it was a wife’s duty to reform her husband. She had embraced this responsibility wholeheartedly, convincing herself that love and perseverance could change Bendang’s drinking habits and self-centered nature. She even ignored his past infidelities, telling herself that they were insignificant before marriage. Like the heroines of romantic novels, she believed that true love could conquer all.

The Harsh Reality of Marriage

Now, however, she realizes the futility of her beliefs. Bendang is not a man who can be changed-his entire worldview is built on material wealth, social status, and personal gratification. His priorities revolve around acquiring luxury, power, and influence, with no regard for emotional connection or mutual respect. Aosenla finally understands that he has never been capable of loving her the way she had hoped.

Instead of anger, she feels an immense sense of pity. She sees her husband as a hollow man, driven only by ambition and greed. The illusion she had created-the dream of a loving marriage shatters completely. Ironically, the very man she had tried to reform ends up being the one who changes her, stripping her of her youthful idealism and forcing her to see the harsh truths of life.

Intellectual and Emotional Isolation

Aosenla’s attempts to forge emotional intimacy with her husband Bendang begin with her efforts to share her love of books and music. However, Bendang is dismissive, deeming books misleading and a waste of money. Her modest indulgences-ordering books, listening to the BBC, VOA, and Radio Ceylon, or reading magazines and newspapers-are derided by him as inappropriate for a married woman. These hobbies, which are her source of comfort, further isolate her as they become points of contention. Her husband’s increasing absences culminate in a particularly humiliating moment when she falls asleep waiting for him at dinner. When he returns, he mocks her tender gesture, revealing his complete disregard for her needs and presence.

Emergence of a Parallel Emotional World

Despite the emotional neglect, Aosenla finds intellectual companionship in the young circle of her brother-in-law, Sentinungsang, and especially in one of his friends-Merentoshi (Toshi). This group brings vitality into her stifled domestic life. Through Toshi, a gifted singer and a well-read young man, Aosenla is introduced to the works of major literary figures like Maugham, Hemingway, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, and Pearl S. Buck. These books open new vistas of thought for her. His companionship is platonic, yet deeply stimulating, allowing her to reclaim part of herself that had long been ignored in her marriage.

Aosenla’s record collection grows-featuring instrumental music and Beatles records—creating a haven where she experiences moments of joy and expression. She feels alive, animated in their presence, her mind invigorated by discussions and shared interests, a stark contrast to the stifling environment created by her husband and his judgmental family.

The Scandal and Public Shaming

Things escalate during a school event where Aosenla agrees to help her cousin Aren with organizing a musical performance. Their inability to guide the children musically leads them to seek Toshi’s help. Over the course of rehearsals, Toshi and his friends bring instruments and life to the sessions, transforming them into jubilant gatherings. For Aosenla, these rehearsals become an oasis-an avenue for self-expression, validation, and quiet joy.

Unbeknownst to her, however, a gossipy relative of Bendang’s mother misinterprets and maliciously reports her frequent meetings with Toshi as romantic involvement. This culminates in a confrontation staged by Bendang and his family. Upon her return home on the eve of the concert, she is ambushed in a darkened room by her mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, and uncle-in-law. They accuse her of infidelity with Toshi, citing the rehearsals as a ruse. The scene becomes a symbolic trial, a collective attempt to shame her into submission.

Aosenla’s Defiance and Assertion of Dignity

What follows is a powerful moment of transformation. Rather than cower, Aosenla defends herself with controlled defiance. She challenges their baseless accusations, asserting her right to a fair hearing involving her own clan. She declares that any accusations must also be brought before Toshi’s family, since they have implicated him too. Her poised and articulate response stuns them into silence, especially Bendang, who had always believed her to be too timid and dependent to resist public humiliation.

Her unexpected strength exposes the family’s weakness-their reliance on patriarchal dominance and social control. Even the maternal uncle, previously complicit, withdraws in protest, recognizing the baselessness of the slander.

Psychological Transformation and Social Repositioning

After this confrontation, Aosenla experiences a surge of empowerment. Realizing the power of self-respect and social awareness, she begins to groom herself more consciously, acquiring modern clothes, using light makeup, and reasserting her physical presence. Her transformation garners attention in public spaces and social gatherings. Formerly overshadowed by the glamour and achievements of Bendang’s sisters, she now finds herself the object of admiration, even referred to as a “late-blooming beauty.”

Aosenla reflects on her childhood academic success as a similar form of triumph over material poverty, and recognizes that her present actions are part of a larger quest for identity and respect. Yet, she fails to fully grasp the volatility of adult relationships. Unlike academic accolades, social victories are not permanent and demand constant negotiation.

Bendang’s Temporary Transformation and Emotional Deception

In a seemingly unexpected development, Bendang’s behavior undergoes a significant change after the confrontation. He becomes attentive, affectionate, and cuts down on his vices. Aosenla interprets this as a sign that her transformation has touched him, and that she is finally winning his love.

However, this is a deceptive calm. His attentiveness is not rooted in remorse or appreciation but is a calculated attempt to avoid the consequences of a potential clan inquiry. Unaware of his manipulative motives, Aosenla, in her romantic vulnerability, allows herself to believe that she has reformed him. Their renewed intimacy brings her both emotional and physical satisfaction. She experiences sexual fulfillment for the first time in her marriage, which she perceives as further validation of her success in transforming both herself and her husband.

The Collapse of the Illusion

Two months into this euphoric phase, Aosenla discovers she is pregnant again. The news shatters the illusion. Bendang’s behavior reverts: he becomes distant, cold, and indifferent once more. This sudden regression devastates her. The emotional abandonment is more painful now, for it follows the brief illusion of intimacy and respect.

She comes to a harrowing realization: her transformation had been built, in part, on illusions-her newly awakened sexuality had made her more vulnerable, not stronger. Her imagined self, filled with hope and vitality, is now exposed as fragile, susceptible to deception. Her personal empowerment had not altered the power dynamics of her marriage. She remains unappreciated and emotionally isolated, her longing for love again manipulated and unmet.

Psychological Reckoning with Marital Intimacy

In the aftermath of a brief sexual rapprochement with her husband Bendang, Aosenla is left in a state of introspective disillusionment. While on the surface their physical closeness might have appeared as reconciliation, Aosenla senses its artificiality and manipulation. She begins to critically evaluate her own role in this encounter, haunted by the realization that she had deployed her sexuality not from a place of mutual love but as a desperate means of holding onto her husband’s attention and perhaps affection.

This triggers a profound moral and emotional crisis. She sees herself as complicit in the same power play that Bendang enacted-each using sex not as an expression of intimacy, but as a strategic instrument: he, to reassert control and dominance over her body, and she, to carve emotional space in his mind. This symmetry unsettles her. Though she initially justifies her behavior as rooted in love while labeling his as crude and self-serving, she becomes increasingly disturbed by the fine and fragile boundary between “sex-as-love” and “sex-as-means.” This realization creates a growing fear of the inherent contradictions in the way love and sex are experienced between men and women.

Aosenla acknowledges her own sexuality as something powerful and even intimidating-a tool she had unconsciously wielded in the hopes of recovering emotional connection in her failing marriage. The knowledge that she had used it as a mechanism of reconciliation or negotiation deepens her shame and confusion.

The Emotional Fallout and Bendang’s Indifference

After this fraught intimacy, life quickly reverts to an unsettling normalcy. For Bendang, the act was merely an assertion of conjugal right; his previous habits of drinking, gambling, and neglect return unabated. His detachment contrasts sharply with Aosenla’s emotional collapse. She mourns not just the failure of physical closeness to revive love, but also the betrayal of her belief that sex could be a bridge to genuine emotional connection. Aosenla’s lingering thought is haunting: “If only he had given her a little hint of love,” everything might have been different.

Childhood Trauma: The Memory of Abuse

This psychological unraveling prompts a buried memory to surface-an encounter from her childhood involving a near-sexual assault by an older male laborer. Left under the negligent care of an indifferent aunt, young Aosenla and her brother would wander to a shack where village laborers stayed. One of these men groomed the children with sweets and attention. One day, tempted by the promise of earrings she had long desired but dared not ask her parents for, Aosenla agreed to meet the man alone.

The man lured her with the promise of the earrings but then attempted to sexually assault her. The encounter is described in deeply disturbing terms: he tries to force the child into a sexual act, but fails due to her physical resistance and his own growing panic. Aosenla escapes before he can violate her fully, but the trauma etches itself onto her psyche. She represses the event for years, unable to process its full significance at the time.

Now, as an adult, the memory returns with force. She realizes that her feelings of being “soiled” and “sullied” trace back to that moment. What makes the present worse is her conscious use of sexuality in her marriage, which contrasts sharply with the innocent ignorance of her childhood. She now sees herself as the seductress-she is the one who “dangled” her sexuality, inverting the earlier trauma in a grotesque psychological reversal.

Crisis of Identity and Self-Loathing

Aosenla descends into a period of intense self-hatred. She wishes she could erase her femininity, eliminate her sexual impulses, and become something “without a form.” She no longer trusts her body or mind. The juxtaposition of her childhood trauma and adult decisions leads to a profound sense of self-abasement. Yet, amidst the despair, an inner voice begins to stir, urging her toward resilience, toward gathering the fragments of her identity.

This effort at recovery is grueling. The mental labor of confronting her trauma and marital disillusionment takes a toll on her health and spirit. Still, she begins to reclaim a semblance of strength, recognizing that both she and her husband had entered into an unspoken, sordid transaction-each using their bodies as currency. For him, sex was domination. For her, it was misguided romanticism. But in the end, the power remained in his hands.

The Pregnancy: A Mixed Reality

Aosenla discovers that she is pregnant again. Initially, the pregnancy symbolizes defeat-another consequence of her vulnerability and Bendang’s dominance. She is devastated, not just by the physical reality but by what the conception represents: an illusion of intimacy that ended in emotional ruin. However, she slowly shifts her perspective. The child is not a disaster, she resolves, and her focus turns to survival-not just as a wife, but as a woman and mother.

She begins to involve herself more in the upbringing of her daughters and household affairs. Aware of the gender expectations in her in-laws’ household, she fears that a third daughter may jeopardize her place in the family. There’s a deep-seated anxiety that her inability to bear a son may give her husband an excuse to abandon her or seek another wife.

A Difficult Pregnancy and Emotional Abandonment

The pregnancy proves physically taxing. She suffers from anemia, a chest infection that requires hospitalization, and later complications related to the baby’s position in the womb. Despite these serious health concerns, Bendang remains emotionally and physically absent. As soon as she is hospitalized, he leaves on a business trip, revealing once again his disregard for her well-being.

The emotional abandonment is stark and brutal. Only her maid offers sympathy and support, highlighting the gendered isolation and indifference Aosenla faces not just from her husband, but from the broader familial and social structure.

The Onset of Labour and Medical Emergency

Aosenla’s labor began five days past her due date. The prolonged, six-hour ordeal came without the usual signs of imminent birth. Concerned expressions on the medical staff’s faces hinted at complications. With her husband, Bendang, absent, the doctor consulted his colleagues and decided on an emergency caesarean section (C-Section) to save both mother and child. Aosenla consented herself. The operation proved complex, lasting over three hours. Upon regaining consciousness, she found only her maid and a disinterested nurse at her side.

Her first thoughts were of her husband and mother-in-law. The maid informed her that Bendang was not present and that her mother-in-law had visited briefly but left screaming after being told something by the doctor. With growing unease, Aosenla asked about her baby. The maid’s evasiveness and tears, along with the nurse’s sedation, only deepened her fear. Though drugged into unconsciousness again, a terrible sense of foreboding took hold.

Awakening to Absence

When Aosenla awoke the next morning, she was in a private cabin decorated with pink curtains and her cherished golden yellow roses from home. Though initially comforted by their presence, she was immediately struck by the absence of her baby. She demanded the child be brought to her, instinctively referring to it as “her,” believing the hospital and her family were hiding the baby because it was a girl or possibly born with a deformity.

Her physical pain became acute. Bandages covered her abdomen, and though her stomach was flat as expected, the realization of the post-surgical trauma hit her with brutal force. She endured a wave of pain so intense that it silenced her physically. Revived with cold water and painkillers, she spent the rest of the day semi-conscious, enduring waves of discomfort.

Emotional Isolation and Growing Suspicion

Despite her deteriorated physical state, Aosenla’s longing for her child grew stronger. The nurses continued to delay, giving vague explanations. Her maternal instincts became overwhelming, especially as she began lactating, reinforcing her need to nurse the baby.

When finally confronted with the doctor, her simple, piercing question, “What operation?” signaled both confusion and rising panic. The doctor, attempting compassion, delivered the devastating truth: the baby, a boy, had died due to a combination of complications-malpositioning, uterine tear, and suffocation from the umbilical cord. Even if revived, the child would have been severely brain-damaged.

Aosenla was momentarily stunned. Her first reaction was disbelief at the gender-the boy she had not expected. Her next question was about her husband’s response. The doctor hesitated, then relayed that Bendang had blamed the doctor and Aosenla for the child’s death, accusing them of negligence and mismanagement.

A Second, Deeper Loss

What followed was an even more devastating revelation: during surgery, the doctors discovered multiple uterine tears and infection from internal fluids. Attempting to repair the damage would have endangered her life. As a result, they removed her uterus, making future pregnancies impossible.

Despite this double tragedy – the loss of a long-desired son and the permanent loss of fertility – Aosenla responded with stony silence and eerie composure. She thanked the doctor and bid him farewell, her calmness bewildering him. He expected hysteria but saw instead a woman transformed by suffering.

Recovery Amidst Unspoken Grief

Though emotionally shaken, Aosenla began responding well to treatment. She regained her appetite, appreciated her maid’s care, and laughed at the messages from her daughters (asking for ribbons, hair clips, crayons, and even a pair of high heels for the younger one which made Aosenla laugh) -a stark contrast to the silence surrounding her son’s death. Their innocent requests for gifts were uplifting, until one message pierced through her numbness: “Ask mummy to bring a nice doll.”

This broke the emotional dam. Aosenla wept uncontrollably for the first time since her ordeal. Her sobs were deep and raw, the maid silently grieving beside her. Yet this release was also cathartic-her grief, though overwhelming, offered some relief.

The Urgent Need to Leave

Later that day, Aosenla sent a message to the doctor demanding immediate discharge. Calm but resolute, she warned that if she were not released, she would take drastic action. The doctor, concerned about potential hysteria or even suicide, and burdened by Bendang’s earlier accusations, agreed to her request.

However, her desire to leave was not rooted in instability, but in a strategic choice. She dreaded returning home during the day, anticipating judgment and blame. Going home in the darkness would spare her the indignity of returning childless and infertile in full public view.

The Quiet Homecoming

Aosenla left the hospital quietly, dressed and prepared, with her maid and her belongings already packed. She instructed the ambulance to stop at the rear gate of the estate, choosing a secretive return rather than facing scrutiny at the main entrance. Her parting words to the doctor were calm and detached: “Please send the bill to my husband.”

This subdued return was in stark contrast to her departure, when the family had hoped for a male heir. Her stealthy re-entry underscored not just personal grief, but familial and societal expectations-especially the implicit blame placed upon her for denying the family a grandson and now being biologically unable to provide one.

The Mother-in-Law’s Bitterness

Upon Aosenla’s return from the hospital, a rift of silence and displeasure greeted her from an expected source-her mother-in-law. Not having been informed of Aosenla’s discharge or return home, the old woman first learned about it through the excited cries of her granddaughters, who ran to her house joyfully shouting, “Granny, granny, mummy is home!”

Feeling slighted and disregarded, the old woman stewed in her hurt pride the entire day. Only in the evening did she pay a visit to Aosenla, bringing with her a bowl of soup—not as a gesture of affection, but as a cold duty. She dropped it carelessly on the dining table and proceeded to verbally chastise Aosenla, accusing her of disgracing the family with her “unseemly behaviour” and sneaking back home under the cover of darkness. Her words were sharp and merciless:

“If you wanted to disgrace us, you have already accomplished that by the fiasco of your confinement… God has punished you for your arrogance and willfulness.”

Aosenla, exhausted and emotionally drained, remained silent, turning her face to the wall. The old woman, indignant and unmoved, left the house with a dismissive humph.

Bendang’s Return: A Surprising Softening

The next afternoon, Bendang returned home. Aosenla, apprehensive about their encounter, was prepared for indifference or blame. But to her surprise, he entered with a tentative smile and quietly unpacked his suitcase.

He presented gifts for the daughters-eliciting shrieks of delight-a shawl for the maid, and, most astonishingly, a nightgown for Aosenla. This was the first gift he had given her in years. Overcome by emotion, she began to weep silently. The maid gently ushered the children out, leaving the couple in an intimate silence.

Aosenla managed to whisper an apology, “I am so sorry,” to which Bendang replied with unexpected empathy, “I am sorry too, but more so for you.” These words left her confused-was this genuine sympathy? Or a vague absolution? She looked at him, trying to understand his inner thoughts, but words failed them both.

They sat together in subdued companionship until their daughters returned, searching for a lost slipper and asking about dinner. This small domestic inquiry gently rebalanced the atmosphere, restoring a measure of normalcy.

Tentative Reconnection

Dinner that night was marked by an unusual quiet. The children, intuitively sensing the emotional undercurrents, remained unusually silent and went to bed early. Between Aosenla and Bendang, the silence continued-tentative, fragile, and watchful.

Aosenla shared the story of her discharge and her wish to return discreetly. Bendang listened without interruption and, after a pause, simply suggested they go to bed. There was, Aosenla thought, a subtle shift in his tone, a possible softening. Still, wary of disappointment, she dared not read too much into it. Her trust had been fractured by previous wounds.

Yet, in the quiet presence of her husband beside her that night, Aosenla felt an unfamiliar contentment. As he drifted to sleep, she remained awake, caught between reflection and uncertainty. She pondered his prior absence during her hospital ordeal-an absence that had deepened her sense of abandonment. And yet, his behavior now seemed to suggest remorse, or perhaps shared mourning.

For the first time, she allowed herself to consider that he too had suffered-that his coldness may have masked grief, not indifference. This tentative empathy began to ease the sharp edges of her resentment. With this quiet realization, she finally slept soundly-a deep, restful sleep that had eluded her for weeks.

A New Morning, A Renewed Self

The following morning ushered in the hum of routine. Aosenla busied herself with preparing her daughters for school-coaxing them to eat, packing their tiffins, and sending them off with waves and smiles. When they called out, “Don’t go away again, mummy,” she promised, “I’ll be here when you come home,” her voice catching with emotion.

Turning to her household duties, she discovered a new sense of purpose. The pantry needed restocking, wardrobes needed organizing, the garden needed attention. For the first time in a long while, she felt needed-by her children, the home, and perhaps in some quiet way, by her husband.

The maid questioned why she insisted on working so hard when the servants could manage, but Aosenla only smiled in response. Even Bendang asked her to slow down. “I am quite recovered now and happy doing all this; why should I stop?” she replied. He looked at her with puzzled eyes but let the matter drop.

Her actions were not just about keeping busy-they marked an inner transformation. She was beginning to reclaim her sense of self, using the rhythm of daily life as a path toward healing. She was searching for a new definition of herself, integrating her grief, her role as mother, and her fragile connection with her husband.

The Inescapable Presence of Death

Despite the forward motion, the specter of death loomed heavily in Aosenla’s thoughts. Though not unfamiliar with loss-she had lost an elder brother in childhood-this grief was of an entirely different magnitude.

Her son’s death was not merely an emotional loss but a visceral, bodily one. She had carried him, nurtured him, and now mourned with every fiber of her being. Her body, designed to sustain life, had become a cruel reminder of what was lost. Milk still filled her breasts, a physical pain that compounded her sorrow. Each time the milk was suctioned out and discarded, it was a ritual of devastation-a symbol of a maternal promise unfulfilled.

This betrayal by her own body felt almost inhuman, as though nature itself was mocking her: continuing its rhythm despite the fact that the child who should have received its nourishment was gone. This unrelenting biological rhythm reminded her that some forms of grief live on in muscle, in nerve, and in memory-not just in thought.

The Doctor’s Concern and Renewed Involvement

Dr. Kilangtemjen, Aosenla’s physician, continued monitoring her closely through reports from both her husband, Bendang, and the household maid. While Aosenla maintained an outward calm and engaged obsessively in household chores, the doctor suspected this was a coping mechanism masking unresolved grief. He warned Bendang that Aosenla’s hyperactive engagement in trivial domestic tasks could culminate in a nervous breakdown. Alarmed, Bendang requested more frequent personal visits from the doctor to observe his wife directly, initiating a more sustained doctor-patient relationship.

Kilang began visiting their home regularly. During moments when Bendang was away, he would sit casually with Aosenla, sipping tea and observing her demeanor. Surprisingly, she seemed relaxed and more at ease than expected. Their conversations became informal, and Kilang shared details of his life, including his involvement with a charitable organization called the Home, which cared for orphans and battered women. This deeply resonated with Aosenla, who began to express keen interest in the organization’s functioning and its societal challenges.

Emotional Resonance and Practical Shifts

Aosenla was visibly moved by the stories of the Home, and the conversation planted a seed within her. Following Kilang’s advice, she gradually withdrew from exhaustive household chores, delegating most of them to servants. However, she remained devoted to her daughters’ daily needs-food, clothing, homework, and emotional nurturing. This shift brought her closer to her children and made her a central figure in their development. Observing how quickly her daughters outgrew their belongings, Aosenla began saving their clothes for donation rather than distributing them to servants, a decision that confused and displeased the maid.

Chubala’s Confrontation: A Turning Point

Though too young to understand the full extent of the family’s tragedy, Aosenla’s elder daughter, Chubala, harbored a burning question about the missing baby. One morning, pretending illness, she stayed home and confronted her mother, asking why she returned from the hospital alone. Was the baby abandoned because it was another girl? Did the grandmother not want her?

Aosenla was devastated by this raw, accusatory question. Realizing that her daughter was grieving in her own way, she embraced her, and both broke down in tears. This emotional exchange forged a profound bond between mother and daughter. Afterwards, Aosenla gently explained the truth: the baby boy had died during childbirth, and nothing could have prevented it. She imparted a life lesson to Chubala-that life often diverges from our wishes and that learning to accept this brings peace.

Newfound Strength and Inner Transformation

This heart-to-heart encounter had a transformative effect on Aosenla. It awakened in her a resilience and emotional strength that had been dormant. The conversation provided not only catharsis but also clarity. She found herself becoming emotionally detached from the toxic criticisms of her mother-in-law and the suffocating expectations of the extended family. Instead of remaining apologetic and submissive, she adopted a quiet defiance, asserting that it was her life to live.

Her husband, Bendang, noticed this emerging self-assurance and became gentler toward her. Encouraged by this change, Aosenla contemplated her long-held desire to help at the Home. However, she feared rejection, especially from her mother-in-law, who continued to treat her as an outsider.

The Proposal and Its Immediate Rejection

The chance to speak with Bendang arose unexpectedly during an afternoon tea on the verandah. After the children ran off to play, Aosenla broached the topic of volunteering at the Home, mentioning the clothes she had been collecting. Bendang was taken aback. Her interest in public service seemed incompatible with the fragile mental state the doctor had described. Disoriented by the request, he muttered about discussing it later and abruptly left the house, leaving Aosenla disheartened.

Driving away, Bendang struggled to comprehend his wife’s request. In his mind, women at the Home were stigmatized by society, and he could not reconcile Aosenla’s desire with the image of a grieving, recovering mother.

Quiet Determination and Social Expansion

Despite his rejection, Aosenla remained undeterred. Rather than confronting Bendang again, she strategically redirected her energies toward social engagement. She began visiting friends and family, hosting dinners and tea parties, and encouraging her daughters to bring their peers home. Her social life flourished, and she began forming influential connections. Once seen as a timid girl of no consequence, she was now welcomed into prestigious circles.

To the astonishment and dismay of her husband’s family, Aosenla’s social standing grew. Her popularity culminated in her election as President of the newly formed Mothers Union and her appointment to the governing body of her daughters’ school. These achievements came without seeking Bendang’s permission, signaling her growing independence.

The Shifting Power Dynamic and Resentment

Bendang’s growing discomfort became palpable. The woman he once controlled emotionally and physically was now creating an autonomous identity. His mother’s bitterness intensified, accusing him of losing control. Though initially resistant to her public role, even Bendang could not ignore the rising status and respect Aosenla now commanded. What disturbed him most was her quiet rejection of his authority-no longer seeking approval, she was claiming her own space.

The earlier attempts to stifle her selfhood had failed, and Bendang recognized her ascent as a new, moral victory, grounded in dignity, emotional intelligence, and cultural rootedness. Yet, instead of admiration, he felt resentment. The old tools of dominance, especially those based on gendered power, no longer worked. He vowed to find new ways to rein in her autonomy.

The Social Transformation: Aosenla’s Public Persona

In the wake of her personal tragedy, Aosenla begins to orchestrate frequent social gatherings, inviting people from her wider circle, including Kilang and his wife. Her renewed sociability appears, at first glance, to be a coping mechanism-an effort to mask the pain that still lurks beneath the surface. Kilang, the perceptive doctor and a close observer of her emotional state, suspects that these festivities are an elaborate pretense-an attempt to forestall a possible emotional breakdown that might erupt as hysteria. Yet he continues to attend, partially to humor her and partially to monitor her psychological state.

However, what he observes in these gatherings challenges his initial assumptions. Aosenla presents herself with poise and ease. She appears comfortable not only in the company of others but, strikingly, with herself. Her transformation includes a self-deprecating humor- recounting anecdotes from the past in which she appears naïve or foolish, then punctuating these stories by turning to Bendang, her husband, with a teasing, “Isn’t that true, darling?” These moments place Bendang in deeply awkward positions, subtly undermining him before their guests.

Kilang begins to realize that Aosenla’s actions are not simply aimed at discomforting her husband or at healing through social interaction. Rather, she seems to be navigating towards something far more complex-an assertion of autonomy, a quiet rebellion, or perhaps an evolving strategy of self-assertion that challenges his own reductive psychological analysis of women. She emerges, in Kilang’s view, as a figure of unexpected agency and complexity.

The Private Self: Disassociation and Inner Detachment

Behind the carefully constructed façade of the confident hostess and emerging socialite, however, lies a profoundly different reality. In the solitude of her home, Aosenla often experiences moments of intense disassociation. She feels herself simultaneously present and absent, as though observing her own life from a distance. These episodes are marked by a surreal duality-her outer persona engaged in bustling domesticity, while her inner consciousness watches from afar, perplexed and detached.

This dissociation extends even into her marital intimacy. During rare instances of lovemaking with Bendang, Aosenla is coldly removed from the act. Her body participates, but her mind is elsewhere-disengaged, analytical, even mocking. She watches Bendang’s strained attempts at passion with inward disdain, considering it a pointless exercise. The kiss, however, she withholds completely. To her, it represents a deeper intimacy-a symbolic encroachment into a part of herself she now guards with deliberate fervor.

This selective denial represents a strategic form of resistance. She allows the physical act—likened to a ritualistic sacrifice to an obsolete deity-but denies emotional connection. In doing so, she withholds the last vestiges of herself, preserving her autonomy and protecting her emotional sanctum from further violation. This cold, calculated withdrawal marks a significant shift in Aosenla’s self-conception and approach to her marriage.

Re-evaluation of the Past: From Naïveté to Awareness

Aosenla’s evolving consciousness prompts her to revisit the earlier phases of her relationship with Bendang. At the beginning of their marriage, she had interpreted sexual relations through a conventional, almost legalistic lens: the husband had a right to her body, and the wife had a duty to yield. She had hoped that compliance might lead to love in the romantic sense she envisioned. But she was blind, at the time, to his real perspective-he saw her not as a partner, but as property.

This realization brings into sharp focus a particularly harrowing memory: one night early in their marriage, Bendang-drunk and aggressive-forces Aosenla to strip completely, turns on all the lights and the music, and assaults her with such violent intensity that she is left shaken and humiliated. She likens his final groan to that of a wild animal, and afterwards, slips away to the bathroom to scrub herself in a furious, futile attempt to cleanse the violation. Yet, in that moment, she does not conceptualize the event as abuse; she simply believes he is exercising his spousal prerogative, though she silently wishes he could have been gentler.

The Silent Birthday and the Symbolic Rejection

Two days after this traumatic encounter, Aosenla’s birthday arrives. She asks Bendang to delay a business trip so they can celebrate quietly as a family. He ignores her plea and leaves without fanfare, offering no explanation. Later, the maid delivers a birthday gift from him-a gold chain with her initials spelled in diamonds, elegantly boxed. Aosenla is torn: should she accept the gift or return it? Ultimately, wary of exposing their marital discord to the household staff, she accepts it, but the decision is far from one of reconciliation.

She hides the chain in her old jewellery box, where she keeps all her discarded ornaments-a symbolic rejection of his gesture. She never wears it, nor acknowledges the gift. If Bendang ever noticed this, he never commented. And she, for her part, never gave him the satisfaction of a response. The silence between them grows, becoming a cavern that neither chooses to bridge.

A New Phase: Reversal, Control, and the Question of Guilt

Reflecting on the trajectory of their relationship, Aosenla comes to understand how roles have reversed. Once submissive and hopeful, she now stands in control-emotionally detached, strategically manipulative. She feels no guilt for this transformation, nor remorse for her emotional withdrawal. She questions whether Bendang’s aggression was ever intentional or simply the manifestation of his need for control. Did he sense her quiet defiance, her refusal to be fully conquered?

The answers elude her. What she does know is this: she has crossed a threshold. The woman she once was-the naïve, hopeful bride-is gone. In her place stands a woman who has awakened to the complexities of her situation, one who has claimed a new identity. It is an identity forged not in overt rebellion, but in silent resistance, in emotional fortification, and in the deeply personal assertion of selfhood that no one, not even her husband, can penetrate.

The Lingering Disquiet in Bendang’s Mind

The chapter opens by delving into Bendang’s psyche, revealing that his frequent “business trips” were often convenient escapes from personal discomforts, both real and imagined. He had carried a persistent, gnawing unease ever since his first encounter with Aosenla on her uncle’s bamboo platform before their marriage. This discomfort never fully vanished; it lay dormant, flaring occasionally and threatening to become a festering wound. Despite Aosenla’s quiet resilience and strength in the face of his emotional aggression and the cold cruelty of his mother and sisters, Bendang felt continually unsettled by her presence. Her calm and self-contained manner seemed to undermine his performative masculinity and evoke feelings of inferiority.

A Brutal Realization Bendang reflects on a recent moment of marital intimacy marked by aggression. He tries to recall Aosenla’s expression. Was she fearful or resistant? He cannot remember. What he does remember is the alcohol-fueled bravado among his friends, their crass stories about women and conquest, and his own insecure realization that he had never seen his wife fully naked. This sense of lack, of being inadequate in front of his peers, drives him into a violent and demeaning act that serves to reassert dominance but deeply wounds their already fragile relationship. The realization of this impulsive cruelty hits him so strongly that he stops his car mid-journey, retreats to a bush, and seeks solace in tea and cigarettes. Overwhelmed with agitation and shame, he relinquishes driving to his handyman and withdraws into his thoughts.

The Gift: Symbol of Guilt and Lost Opportunities

In his self-reflection, Bendang remembers a gift he had once bought during Aosenla’s first pregnancy-an expensive piece he intended to give her during the celebrations, especially if the child was a boy. But that moment never came. Over the years, the gift lay hidden in a desk drawer, a forgotten token of a hope that was never realized. Now, prompted by guilt after his recent violence, he finally retrieves the gift but still cannot face Aosenla. He instructs the maid to deliver it, thereby stripping the gesture of any emotional authenticity. The gift, once meant as a celebration, is reduced to a mute object, devoid of genuine sentiment. In his cowardice, Bendang not only fails to present the gift himself but also diminishes its potential to mend or speak on his behalf.

A Journey Interrupted by Conscience

Normally, trips out of town gave Bendang joy-the forested roads, small roadside teashops, the camaraderie with other travelers. But this time, shame and remorse cloud his mind. He scolds himself for letting the vulgar talk of his friends influence his behavior and admits, perhaps for the first time in his life, to the cowardice that defines much of his character. The self-awareness is painful, even transformative. As his mood darkens, he abruptly asks the driver to turn the vehicle around and return home, citing illness.

A Silent Homecoming

At home, Aosenla greets his unexpected return without visible surprise or emotion. She performs her wifely duties by bathing and feeding him, while allowing their daughters to linger with their father – a small gesture of peace. Bendang watches closely, wondering if she has seen the gift and awaits some acknowledgment. None comes. They both tiptoe around normalcy, avoiding words and contact. Finally, Aosenla, seeing his distress, offers to massage his head. Bendang is visibly moved but restrains himself, accepting the gesture with humility. This momentary intimacy exposes her quiet strength, a trait he has long misunderstood as timidity. He now begins to recognize it as a quiet resistance, an emotional and psychological detachment that unsettles him more than any outburst would have.

The Floating Self: Aosenla’s Inner Dissociation

For Aosenla, such episodes of emotional withdrawal are not new. There are moments when she feels as though her body and mind separate, when the world spins around her and she drifts into a surreal, dissociated state. These episodes, marked by hallucinations of floating objects and dizziness, are physical manifestations of her internalized trauma and repression. She traces these feelings back to a critical turning point: her husband’s outright dismissal of her desire to volunteer at Dr. Kilang’s Home. Her inability to challenge him openly revealed to her the deep-rooted fear that had governed her entire married life. She was afraid, she realizes-not of Bendang as a person but of the patriarchal structure that had always suppressed her voice.

The Pain of Unequal Status

This growing awareness brings with it painful clarity. From the moment of her marriage, Aosenla had occupied an unequal position within her husband’s family. Despite her recent attempts to create a public persona of confidence, inwardly she remains deeply inhibited. She still lacks the resolve to contest her husband’s will, even when she knows he is wrong. This duality, outer composure and inner suppression, torments her, and she broods over it in solitude.

Remembering the Births: Joy, Pain, and Disappointment

Aosenla then turns her thoughts to the births of her two daughters-pivotal moments in her life. The first child came two years after her marriage, amid much speculation about her fertility. Her athletic past and the delayed conception led her in-laws to wonder if she was barren. However, the pregnancy brought great joy, with villagers interpreting dreams as signs of a male heir. Spears and daos in dreams were all believed to portend a boy. During labor, despite the excruciating pain, Aosenla pushed through heroically. Her cries and anguish were met with clinical calm from the attending doctor. When the child was finally born – a girl -the family’s disappointment was thinly veiled. Still, her father-in-law named the baby Chubarenla (“royal increase”) to maintain social appearances. Yet for Aosenla, the experience was deeply personal and triumphant. She had endured the pain, given life, and found pride in her newborn daughter, even if the world around her did not.

The Second Daughter: Resignation and Silent Reproach

The second pregnancy came just eighteen months later. This time, Aosenla was weighed down by dread. She feared the pain and, more so, the family’s judgment. And when another girl was born, the silence in the room spoke volumes. Even Bendang could not hide his dismay. The newborn cried excessively, perhaps sensing the unspoken rejection around her. Her father-in-law did not come in person to name the child as he had the first time. Instead, he sent the name Tianaro (“fortune’s flower”) through his son-in-law. A beautiful name, but one lacking the regal implication of the first. Aosenla, interpreting the shift in attitude, felt this as a symbolic demotion, another blow to her fragile sense of worth.

The Third Confinement: A Memory Repressed

The tragedy of Aosenla’s third pregnancy marked a watershed moment in her life, one so traumatic that she instinctively pushed it into the recesses of her memory. She understood that to preserve her sanity and maintain a semblance of normalcy, she had to focus on the present-on her daughters and the household. Immersing herself in these daily responsibilities became a method of self-preservation and a path to emotional equilibrium. It was in these quiet moments of introspection that Aosenla realized a shift within her: she was becoming more resilient, shaped by acceptance of her life’s hardships.

Motherhood and Identity: Rediscovery through Daughters

Although her relationship with her husband, Bendang, was increasingly alienating, motherhood infused her life with a profound sense of fulfillment. Her daughters’ arrival transformed her sense of identity. For the first time, she felt truly needed-not as an accessory to Bendang’s social stature but as the emotional and physical center of her daughters’ universe. Prior to their birth, she had existed in the shadows, reduced to a body from which Bendang claimed his marital “dues.” But now, her body had become a source of life, not mere submission.

Motherhood introduced a new responsibility-not to salvage a broken marriage, but to create a nurturing home for her children. She became acutely aware of the unique pain borne by women in childbirth. Reflecting on her own labor, she recalled not only the physical agony but also the sublime transcendence of having created life-a miracle beyond male experience. The language itself seemed to acknowledge this: women are “delivered” of children-emphasizing both suffering and release.

The Third Pregnancy: Loss, Cruelty, and Injustice

The third pregnancy, however, was steeped in deceit, physical complications, and emotional trauma. From its conception-tinged with mutual dishonesty-to its tragic end in the loss of a son, the experience shattered Aosenla. Compounding her sorrow were the cruel taunts of her mother-in-law. One day, while sitting in her garden, Aosenla overheard a deliberate conversation between the older woman and a visiting relative. They speculated, with malicious glee, whether the unborn child would be another girl and alluded to ominous dreams as signs of a son’s birth.

Worse still, the mother-in-law recounted the tale of a village woman abandoned by her husband for bearing only daughters. Though she tried to dismiss it, Aosenla couldn’t help but wonder if Bendang, too, would consider replacing her in his pursuit of a son. Her rational mind reminded her that it was the man who determined the sex of a child. Yet, painfully, she admitted-even to herself-that she had secretly longed for a son to silence the humiliations.

The ultimate irony of her life was brutal: she nearly died giving birth to a son, only to lose him moments after his arrival.

Acceptance and Reorientation: A Life for Herself

The trauma of the third confinement pushed Aosenla to reassess her priorities. She realized that dwelling on the past only deepened her emotional wounds. In response, she tapped into her inner strength and resolved to reclaim her life. Her focus shifted from salvaging a broken marriage to creating a meaningful life for her daughters-and herself. Whether her husband had a place in that vision became secondary. She was no longer the timid woman tethered to a man’s shadow.

This self-reliance came without bitterness, but with a lucid recognition that a chasm had opened between her and Bendang. She mourned the death of her son with a mother’s aching heart-he had been sustained by her body, after all. Her near-death experience amplified the loss. Yet, she found no shared grief in her husband, though she acknowledged it was unfair to assume he felt nothing. Still, her emotional retreat from him was unmistakable.

Turning to the Daughters: Healing through Love

Aosenla poured her love and energy into her daughters. To outsiders, her devotion appeared natural, but it also served as a refuge-an intentional distancing from her husband. Her emotional withdrawal created space for healing and self-discovery. She found maternal love to be deeply fulfilling and redemptive. Her involvement in her daughters’ upbringing gave her a sense of purpose beyond survival-it was about shaping minds and building futures.

In candid moments, she shared with them the struggles of her childhood, emphasizing the role of perseverance. When her elder daughter jokingly suggested they didn’t need to work hard, Aosenla corrected her gently but firmly: privilege did not excuse laziness; success must be earned, regardless of starting point. Her younger daughter, expressing unconditional love, wished only for her mother’s continued presence-a moment of profound emotional intimacy that bound them together.

Bendang’s Uncertain Presence: Between Regret and Redemption

Occasionally, Bendang joined the family’s laughter-filled gatherings. His wistful demeanor suggested longing, perhaps regret. Was he grieving the lost son? Was he reaching out? Aosenla couldn’t tell. She noted his transformation from aloofness to seeming humility but remained cautious. For the sake of their daughters, she made efforts to include him-trips, parties, even a failed cinema outing that became a treasured memory due to the girls’ joyful retelling.

Yet her emotional wall stood firm. She no longer fussed over his clothes, his meals, or his travel plans. These were now the maid’s responsibility. Her meticulous care was now reserved solely for her daughters. This growing indifference did not go unnoticed. The servants began murmuring about her supposed cruelty. Even Aosenla herself wondered if her daughters sensed the change in her attitude toward their father. Bendang, too, was aware, though he tried to conceal his pain.

A Vacation and a Tragedy: Fate’s Intervention

In an effort to bridge the growing emotional gap, Bendang proposed a vacation to Darjeeling-a romantic gesture aimed at rekindling their bond. Aosenla responded with indifference. Her priority was the children. Even when his mother offered to care for the girls, Aosenla remained non-committal.

Bendang, determined, enlisted Kilang, their family doctor and friend, to persuade her. Over drinks, the conversation was steered towards travel. When Bendang challenged her health as an excuse, Aosenla surprised everyone-herself included-by asserting her readiness. Kilang, amused by their dynamic, declared the issue settled. The trip seemed inevitable.

But fate intervened. On a routine trip before their vacation, Bendang’s jeep plunged into a gorge. His injuries were serious: a broken leg, dislocated hip, facial bruises, and a concussion. Ironically, Kilang, who had once counseled the husband on dealing with postnatal depression, now tended to him in his own moment of vulnerability. The once-proud man became a reluctant patient, resisting both treatment and life itself.

When advised to seek advanced care in Vellore, Bendang refused. He insisted on dying at home if that was to be his fate. Discharged early, he became a lethargic convalescent, drawing Aosenla once again into a circle of grief-but now as a caregiver to a man she no longer fully loved.

A New Chapter in Emotional Complexity

Kilang, aware of the emotional strain beneath the surface, invited Aosenla to his clinic for a private discussion. The roles had reversed: once he had been the confidant for Bendang about Aosenla’s emotional health; now he was preparing to counsel her about her husband’s mental deterioration.

This chapter closes on a note of poignant irony and emotional ambivalence. Aosenla, once desperate for connection, was now the one being sought after. Yet the questions remain unresolved: will she soften toward her husband? Will the accident forge a new bond or confirm their estrangement?

The Decline of Bendang’s Will to Recover

Aosenla is increasingly disturbed by the emotional and psychological decline of her husband, Bendang. While his physical injuries are significant, his strong constitution means he should be healing. However, Aosenla senses that the greater battle lies not in the flesh but in the spirit. Bendang is succumbing to a sullen despair, resisting recovery, and showing signs of bitterness toward his helplessness.

He refuses Aosenla’s care, citing her frailty post-trauma, and insists on having a male nurse. In response, Dr. Kilang finds Hariprasad Thapa, nicknamed Hariba, a qualified trauma nurse with military experience, disciplined habits, and fluency in local and other languages. Despite Hariba’s excellent care, Bendang’s state continues to deteriorate emotionally. He becomes irritable and verbally abusive, often unleashing his frustrations on Hariba for minor or imagined faults. Aosenla, while concerned, feels helpless in the face of his unrelenting negativity.

A Visit to Dr. Kilang: Unexpected Underpinnings

 Dr. Kilang’s invitation to meet comes as a timely relief to Aosenla, who was planning to approach him about Bendang’s condition. She visits the clinic under the pretense of going to the market. Though familiar with its general location, she enters the clinic premises for the first time and is received by Kilang himself.

Their interaction begins unexpectedly. Kilang, uncharacteristically stern, questions the health of her marriage and whether emotional discord could be exacerbating Bendang’s condition. Aosenla is taken aback by this probing into her private life. The moment becomes even more charged when Kilang moves to sit beside her, a gesture that jolts her both emotionally and physically. Although she is confused and inclined to pull away, a deeper, irrational part of her feels drawn to his presence, hinting at a latent emotional vulnerability within her.

Kilang, sensing the awkwardness, retreats to his desk and orders tea to diffuse the tension. The conversation returns to Bendang, with Kilang recommending new medications and suggesting, if no improvement occurs, further medical consultation in Vellore or Delhi. Aosenla listens, composed but distant.

Aosenla’s Quiet Strength and Reaffirmation of Loyalty

Feeling somewhat violated by Kilang’s earlier approach, yet aware of his genuine concern, Aosenla reasserts herself with quiet dignity. She acknowledges the imperfections in her marriage but firmly denies any neglect on her part. She reminds Kilang that Bendang is still the father of her children and affirms her unwavering commitment to his recovery.
With graceful composure and a courteous smile, she thanks him and exits. Kilang is momentarily disarmed by her poise, even suspecting her speech to have been rehearsed. Yet, he discards the thought, aware that the situation unfolded in a way that could not have been anticipated.

Conflicted Emotions and a Private Reckoning

As Aosenla returns home, her thoughts are troubled. She is haunted not by Kilang’s behavior, but by her own disconcerting emotional response to his proximity. She recognizes a dangerous threshold, an attraction, or at least a vulnerability, that threatens her sense of self. Determined to preserve her emotional boundaries, she resolves to avoid further private encounters with Kilang unless medically necessary.

 She approaches Bendang, who is seated in the garden, and begins the conversation with rehearsed care. Initially startled by her touch, his distant and alien gaze unnerves her. Yet they both recover and share a fleeting smile. Aosenla delicately narrates her version of the meeting with Kilang, careful not to reveal its emotional undercurrents, and introduces the possibility of seeking treatment elsewhere.

To her astonishment, Bendang does not resist. Instead, he gazes at her and quietly says, “Do as you and Kilang think best.” This moment is both a relief and a new source of anxiety for Aosenla. Now she must engage with Kilang again to coordinate the treatment, even as she desires emotional distance.

Physical and Emotional Separation: The Bedroom as Refuge

Since Hariba’s arrival, Bendang has moved to the guest room for ease of care, and Aosenla has taken to sleeping alone. What once was a shared marital space, tinged with both painful and passionate memories, becomes her sanctuary. She reclaims the bedroom as her own space for the first time in years, both physically and psychologically.

The separation, initially circumstantial due to Bendang’s accident, begins to symbolize a deeper emotional distancing. She finds solace in solitude, remembering their past life only through occasional habits like opening his wardrobe. Yet this peace is threatened, not by her husband, but by the shadow of another man’s presence and her own conflicted reaction to it. 

The fear she feels is not of Kilang’s advance, but of her own emotional susceptibility, a darkness that now encroaches upon her newfound freedom.

A Moment of Domestic Normalcy Amid Emotional Turmoil

Later that afternoon, she wakes from a restless sleep to find that the household has continued its rhythm without her. Her daughters have eaten and are playing outside. Her husband had instructed the maid not to wake her. Aosenla eats lightly and shifts her attention to her children, helping them with homework.

For a brief while, the domestic routine offers her an escape, a semblance of normalcy amid the emotional upheaval. She immerses herself in this rhythm, attempting to steady her mind and heart.

Foreshadowing a New Crisis

Yet this chapter ends with a chilling premonition. Just as Aosenla begins to believe that stability might return, through her own careful efforts, a foreboding line warns that a greater nightmare is about to unfold. The fragile peace she has been crafting is soon to be shattered, signaling a major turn in the narrative to come.

A Sudden Disturbance 

After finishing a light afternoon tea, Aosenla was preparing to check the pantry when her maid arrived in a state of panic and distress. Unable to speak at first, the maid was breathless and ashen-faced. Aosenla calmed her with patience and kindness, offering her water and comfort until the girl could speak. What she eventually revealed would shatter Aosenla’s sense of reality.

A Secret Too Heavy to Bear 

The maid confessed that she had long kept a secret at the demand of her father, who had warned her of dire consequences if she disclosed it – particularly to Aosenla. But now, with a child’s life at risk, she could no longer stay silent. Aosenla, curious but unaware of the secret’s gravity, took her maid to a quiet, grassy mound near the property’s edge to talk in private.

A Devastating Revelation 

In a halting, tearful voice, the maid revealed that Aosenla’s husband (sahib) had another daughter – older than their own child, Chubala. Years ago, he had fathered a child with the maid’s cousin while working in the village. The young girl, then preparing for her matric exams, fell pregnant. When her father confronted sahib and demanded marriage, sahib refused and disappeared.

The Birth of a Social Outcast 

The child, a girl, was born into shame. Her mother refused to nurse her, and she grew up with the pet name “Akala,” lacking both a father’s name and clan identity – deep social stigmas in Ao society. Her maternal grandfather tried to secure a name from sahib’s father to restore some dignity, but the attempt failed. The family faced fines and social ridicule, while sahib escaped unscathed.

A Family’s Sudden Rise and Bitter Secrecy 

Despite the scandal, the family’s fortunes improved mysteriously – debts were cleared, land was bought, and employment gained. The maid’s cousin became a nurse and left the village for Assam, cutting ties with her past. She married and had more children, never acknowledging her firstborn daughter.

The Tragic Life of Akala 

Meanwhile, Akala grew up angry and unruly. She was emotionally damaged, often quarreling and roaming the forest alone. Rejected by both her parents, she later became pregnant herself. The boy she named as the father denied responsibility, and Akala died shortly after giving birth to another girl. Her baby – now an orphan – was left in the care of her aging grandparents, who could not manage.

A Child on the Brink 

Akala’s grandmother refused to help, fearing the exposure of her past, and so the baby’s great-grandfather planned to bring the child to sahib and Aosenla. The maid, learning of this, felt compelled to tell Aosenla the truth before the baby arrived, fearing for the child’s life, as she had been reported to be ill and crying uncontrollably.

Aosenla’s Emotional Collapse 

Hearing this, Aosenla was overwhelmed. The betrayal struck her physically and emotionally. In anguish, she lashed out at the maid, questioning why she had remained silent for so long. The girl explained that she had only learned the full truth after she had already become attached to the family. Her parents forbade her from revealing anything, fearing serious consequences.

A Desperate Plea 

Despite her pain, the maid begged Aosenla to save the child. Her tears and desperation reflected the urgency of the situation. She confessed that her love for Aosenla and the children had made it impossible for her to leave the household, even when she was told to do so.

From Rage to Resolve 

Though filled with fury and grief, Aosenla was moved by the baby’s suffering. Her maternal instincts overtook her personal agony. Realizing the child needed immediate help, she decided to act swiftly. Determined to protect the baby and deal with the consequences later, she resolved to contact Kilang, a discreet and trustworthy ally, for assistance.

Aosenla’s Transformation and Decisive Action

At the moment she resolved to act, Aosenla underwent an internal transformation. Rising abruptly, she ordered her exhausted maid to fetch Dr. Kilang and then locate her uncle, instructing him to remain discreet until further contact. She returned to the house, dreading a confrontation with her husband Bendang, but found he had conveniently gone to sleep.

This reprieve allowed her to compose herself. She cleaned up, changed, and drank tea, waiting anxiously for Dr. Kilang. When he arrived, responding to the maid’s urgent plea, he was puzzled by the situation, asking if Bendang was unwell or if someone had been hurt. Aosenla, avoiding explanation, led him to Bendang’s office, a secluded room at the end of the corridor.

A Desperate Plea

Once inside, she explained in a disjointed yet urgent tone what she had learned, implied to be a grave family secret, and immediately asked Kilang to accept another orphan into his Home. Taken aback by both the urgency and the nature of her request, Kilang hesitated. Perceiving his reluctance, Aosenla insisted, urging immediate action. She arranged for her maid to accompany him to retrieve the crying baby, assuring him she would handle any financial or logistical matters later and, crucially, that Bendang must not be informed.

Kilang left promptly, swept into Aosenla’s crisis, carrying away the crying infant and becoming a key actor in the unfolding drama. This moment redefined Aosenla’s priorities: Bendang’s ailments became secondary to the shocking truth of a newborn’s entrance into a harsh world, a child born to a girl barely older than Aosenla’s daughter.

The Great-Grandfather’s Reluctance and Change of Heart

The child’s great-grandfather, initially resistant to relinquishing the baby, insisted he would only trust her to Bendang’s family. Dr. Kilang intervened, bringing them both to the orphanage. There, he and the doctor appealed to the old man’s conscience. Kilang warned him that clinging to the past would harm the baby, that public scandal was pointless, and that if anything happened to the child, he would bear the guilt.

When the freshly cleaned, sleeping baby was brought back into the room, the old man broke down. In a moment of deep emotion, he confessed his previous skepticism about the doctor’s mission to rescue abandoned children. He now understood its value and entrusted the baby to the Home, signing the necessary papers. He left quietly, never to contact Kilang again.

Aosenla’s New Role and Secrets

By involving Kilang, Aosenla made him not only her accomplice but a custodian of her family’s deepest secret. This knowledge now threatened to upend Bendang’s place as the central figure in their household, although he remained unaware. While he lay asleep, still coping with the physical and emotional aftermath of his injuries, Aosenla quietly stepped into a commanding role, though she herself had yet to acknowledge this transformation.

Kilang, once a neutral party, found himself bound to the family’s fate, aware of the fragile status quo and the consequences if the truth surfaced. His own actions were driven not just by loyalty but by his moral obligations to the child.

Bendang’s Perspective

Bendang’s decision to hire a male nurse and vacate the master bedroom stemmed from his desire for physical and emotional independence. He was tired of the humiliation involved in relying on his wife for basic needs and wanted the freedom of impersonal care. While he rested that evening, he was told that Dr. Kilang had visited, but he showed no reaction. When Aosenla entered, her fatigue was evident. Claiming a headache, she excused herself from dinner, relieved to avoid the strain of maintaining a facade.

Securing Silence

Later, Aosenla used the opportunity to confront the maid in private. She reassured her that the baby was now safe but warned her never to speak of the incident again. Aosenla chastised her for concealing the truth, invoking the threat of police involvement to ensure silence. The frightened maid promised loyalty, and Aosenla felt she had tied up one loose end, although many others remained.

Aosenla’s Emotional Turmoil and Internal Conflict

Aosenla is surprised at her own reaction to the shocking revelations about her husband, Bendang. Instead of feeling pure outrage or betrayal, she finds herself confused by a lack of immediate anger. As she lies awake in bed, she reflects on her emotional state. Though she feels freer since Bendang moved to the guest room, she is disturbed by the silence and absence that now fills the space. She realizes she is not missing her husband as a person, but rather the idea of a husband-his presence on the conjugal bed had become habitual. Despite the lack of emotional intimacy in their marriage, a silent sense of companionship had developed over the years, which had sustained the relationship on a superficial level.

Need for Emotional Support

Aosenla comes to understand that what she truly needs is someone to confide in, someone she can trust to help her process the shocking truth. However, this person cannot be Bendang-he is the cause of her distress. Though she briefly longed for his presence, she rejects this impulse, knowing he cannot offer the support she needs. Her thoughts turn to her mother, but she quickly dismisses this idea, recalling how emotionally distant and submissive her mother had always been, particularly in the face of male authority. Aosenla cannot speak to her brothers or their wives either, as they have always remained aloof and distant from Bendang and his side of the family. She reflects sadly that she has no one with whom she can share her deepest emotions-this is the tragedy of her life.

Reflection on the Maid’s Story and the Weight of Truth

As she tries to sleep, she reconsiders the maid’s account. For a moment, she questions its authenticity but gradually comes to believe it must be true. In her view, simple villagers do not fabricate such stories, especially when they implicate powerful families like Bendang’s. She rules out the possibility of blackmail and believes the old man who brought the story forward was driven by remorse and desperation. He likely wanted to relieve himself of the guilt associated with the abandoned child. Aosenla believes he sought no personal gain, only moral absolution. Nonetheless, the presence of the child complicates the situation, as it now threatens the reputation and future of a prominent family.

Crisis and Contemplation of Suicide

Overwhelmed by the emotional burden, Aosenla begins to feel physically suffocated. The initial shock had been momentarily masked by the chaos of the evening, but now a second wave of despair begins to set in. She considers the implications of confronting Bendang and questions what good would come from exposing the truth. The uncertainty about her future and her daughters’ well-being engulfs her in a sense of hopelessness. She opens the medicine cabinet and finds a bottle of sleeping pills. In a desperate moment, she contemplates taking them all, but stops herself. Instead, she takes only two pills and returns the rest, resisting the impulse to escape her situation through self-harm.

Morning Clarity and Acceptance of Responsibility

Eventually, the pills take effect and she sleeps. When she awakens, she feels mentally clearer. Her first thought is for the baby, and she feels relief knowing the child is safe for the time being. As she prepares to re-enter daily life, she resolves not to let her emotions control her. The knowledge she now possesses is painful, but she understands that her response will determine the future for herself and her daughters. With Bendang incapacitated due to an earlier accident, Aosenla feels the full weight of familial responsibility. The night’s turmoil has brought her to a new awareness-a practical consciousness that requires her to act deliberately and with control.

Shift to Objective Thinking and Strategic Action

Unlike in the past, when she engaged with reality more subjectively, Aosenla now begins to think strategically. She deliberately pushes aside her emotions to focus on maintaining the stability of her household. The goal is to protect the surface calm of family life despite the eruption of a dark truth from the past. Even though this revelation implicates her husband in a long-hidden transgression, she recognizes that preserving normalcy is crucial for the well-being of her daughters. The challenge, she realizes, lies in carefully prioritizing her actions and making choices that sustain the appearance of harmony.

Decision to Prioritize Family Over Personal Justice

Though her heart is broken by Bendang’s deception, Aosenla decides to put aside her personal anguish for the sake of her family. The discovery that her marriage was founded on falsehood is deeply painful. She is also shocked that a family known for propriety harbored such a dark secret. However, she understands that reacting emotionally will only bring more instability. She chooses instead to manage her emotions and to protect her children’s future. In doing so, she accepts a role that mirrors the deceit of Bendang and his family, but she justifies this as a necessary act of protection. This rationalization allows her to move forward.

Emerging Sense of Power and Quiet Triumph

Despite the moral compromise, Aosenla begins to feel a subtle sense of empowerment. Knowing the truth gives her an upper hand in a relationship that has long been defined by Bendang’s dominance. Her view of him is irreversibly altered-he no longer seems so powerful or intimidating. This realization offers her a measure of relief. For the first time, she feels that she is no longer at a disadvantage. Holding this knowledge gives her control, and from it emerges a quiet but firm determination to protect her daughters and manage the crisis on her own terms.

Aosenla’s Decision and Involvement of Kilang

After recent events, Aosenla decided that her husband Bendang’s medical rehabilitation should be the main priority. This course of action had been considered earlier, but Bendang had now shown a willingness to travel to a larger hospital for treatment. Aosenla saw this as an opportunity to both help her husband and find out more about the baby. She needed to involve Dr. Kilang in this plan and decided to inform him that Bendang was now ready for treatment. She asked Kilang to come to their house in the evening so that he could hear directly from the patient.

Kilang’s Internal Conflict

Kilang was surprised and uneasy when he received Aosenla’s message. He was unsure of her intentions and feared she might reveal the events of the previous day to Bendang in his presence, which would involve Kilang directly in a sensitive situation. He was especially anxious that Bendang might learn about Kilang’s role in bringing the baby into his care at the Home.

He had expected Aosenla to visit the Home earlier that day to check on the baby, but she had not. This added to his anxiety. Later, when he visited the Home after lunch, he found that the baby was adjusting well-she had accepted bottle-feeding and her health was stable. However, despite the external calm, Kilang was emotionally distressed. He no longer wanted to be involved with Aosenla or her family beyond his medical duties.

Kilang’s Personal Life and Public Role

Kilang had begun to notice that Aosenla’s presence was becoming a distraction. He felt that she unsettled the well-ordered life he had with his wife and children. He had always admired his profession and felt content running the Home, which provided him personal satisfaction and earned him public respect. The local church recognized him as a symbol of selfless service, and his community viewed him as an ideal citizen.

Despite his modesty and commitment to service, Kilang often struggled with financial challenges. He had always managed to meet the Home’s expenses, sometimes through unexpected sources. One particular instance stood out in his memory. A consignment of medicines and food had arrived at the Post Office, but he had no money to collect it and risked losing a vital supply connection.

The Unexpected Donation

At his lowest point, a former classmate from Kolkata-now a wealthy businessman-unexpectedly visited Kilang. On learning that Kilang was running the Home, the friend came to donate money. Without much ceremony, he handed Kilang an envelope containing fifty thousand rupees. The gesture, sudden and generous, stunned Kilang. Though not openly religious, Kilang was deeply moved and offered a prayer of thanks. Such windfalls strengthened his belief in his work and his public image, which he worked carefully to uphold.

Preparing for the Meeting

Kilang still felt uneasy about Aosenla and suspected that her actions might disrupt his carefully maintained life. Despite his reservations, he decided to attend the meeting at Bendang’s house, as ignoring the invitation would be improper.

On his way, he worried about what the meeting would involve. Would Aosenla tell Bendang about the baby? Would he be implicated? However, he reassured himself that Aosenla was too strategic to confront her husband in such a setting.

The Meeting with Bendang and Aosenla

When Kilang arrived, he was led to the drawing room where both Aosenla and Bendang were waiting. The atmosphere was calm and friendly. After initial greetings, a short silence followed. Then Bendang spoke, thanking Kilang for his care and admitting that he had been wrong to refuse earlier advice to seek further treatment. He declared that he was now ready and asked Aosenla and Kilang to make the necessary arrangements.

Kilang was surprised at Bendang’s sudden change in attitude, unaware that Aosenla had convinced him even before the recent family crisis. Maintaining a professional tone, Kilang agreed to contact his colleagues in Delhi and Vellore to find a suitable facility. He added casually that if he could not visit them, he would appreciate it if Aosenla came to the Home instead. This statement surprised all three of them. Each began to wonder what the others knew or had revealed. However, they quickly recovered and the meeting ended cordially.

Lingering Questions and Emotional Entanglement

After the meeting, Kilang was relieved that it had gone smoothly and that Bendang was willing to begin treatment. Still, he was troubled by unresolved issues. He wondered why Aosenla had not contacted him about the baby. He also questioned why he had invited her to visit the Home-was it a professional request or a deeper need for clarification?

He was frustrated that his involvement with the family, which began with professional care for Aosenla, had grown more personal following Bendang’s accident. The presence of the baby had further complicated matters, tying him to the family’s fate in a way that disturbed him.

Despite these concerns, Kilang had taken on the responsibility of arranging Bendang’s treatment. He began making calls and sending telegrams to contacts in both cities, determined to follow through on his commitment.

Dinner Conversation and Plans for Medical Travel

During dinner, Bendang informed his daughters that he and his wife, Aosenla, would soon travel to either Vellore or New Delhi for his medical treatment, depending on the arrangements being made by Uncle Kilang. In response, his daughter Narola expressed concern about who would care for her and her sister in their parents’ absence. Bendang reassured her, saying that they were now old enough to look after themselves, and reminded them that Onula, as well as their grandparents, would be present.

Chubala, the elder sister, scolded Narola for being childish and emphasized the importance of their father’s health. She assured her parents that she would take responsibility for her younger sister, including ensuring that Narola completed her homework and wore her shoes correctly-a lighthearted remark that made everyone laugh, given Narola’s habit of wearing her shoes on the wrong feet and then pretending they were worn out.

Aosenla was touched by Chubala’s protective nature and reflected on how quickly girls develop maternal instincts. Later that night, the family retired to bed with individual thoughts about the uncertain future.

Aosenla’s Troubled Thoughts and Internal Conflict

While lying in bed, Aosenla attempted to avoid thinking about her present worries and future concerns by holding on to the joyful feelings from dinner. However, her thoughts repeatedly returned to the baby girl in the Home. Though she had taken steps to ensure the baby’s safety, she wished to avoid confronting the implications of the child’s existence or her own involvement in placing the child in Kilang’s care.

Her decision to meet with Kilang and make arrangements for her husband’s treatment was motivated in part by a desire to distract herself from the emotional turmoil surrounding the baby. Nevertheless, the urge to visit the child remained strong. Ten days later, Kilang visited to finalize the travel arrangements, but he was surprised to find Bendang’s parents present.

Decision Dominated by Patriarchal Authority

Kilang began the meeting by presenting the two hospital options, but before Bendang could respond, his father intervened and insisted on Vellore because it was a Christian hospital. The rest of the family remained silent, indicating that the decision had already been made.

When the discussion turned to who would accompany Bendang, the father again spoke with authority, stating that a male nurse and his eldest son-in-law would go, following customary norms. Although Aosenla hoped her husband would support their earlier plan for her to accompany him, Bendang said nothing. The meeting ended quickly after setting tentative travel dates.

Kilang felt disregarded and disappointed. He had hoped to be consulted about Bendang’s health and hospital preferences, but none of these were discussed. He realized that the father had already decided everything and treated him as a mere messenger. He also felt alienated by the lack of dialogue and wondered whether the father exerted similar control over his other children, who held prestigious jobs. Though irritated, Kilang acknowledged that he might have acted similarly if he were in Bendang’s position, succumbing to the pressure of tradition.

Aosenla’s Anger and Resentment

Aosenla was filled with frustration. She had looked forward to accompanying her husband on the trip, having discussed it enthusiastically with him. They had agreed that she would handle practical matters like prescriptions and logistics, and they both favored Vellore due to its convenience and facilities for attendants. They also hoped to explore the possibility of their daughter Chubala studying medicine there.

Now, due to the father’s intervention, she was excluded from the journey. Her disappointment turned into resentment, especially since she realized that her husband had not stood up for their plans. She felt uncertain about whether she was angrier at her husband for his silence or at the father for his interference.

She also worried that the pattern of parental control might extend to her daughters. Her in-laws had started suggesting that Chubala might be suited for a religious vocation due to her gentle nature. But Aosenla knew her daughter’s aspiration to become a doctor and had promised to support her. The events of the evening strengthened her resolve to fight for her daughter’s dreams, even if her husband failed to support her.

Bendang’s Humiliation and Frustration

Bendang, too, was in a bad mood. He felt publicly humiliated by his father’s dominance, especially in front of Kilang, who witnessed his inability to assert himself. The incident reminded him of many previous times when his father had taken control of his life, including the fact that he had never earned a degree or held a government job.

His father had previously persuaded him to enter the business world by belittling his academic failures and promising wealth. Although they did achieve financial success, Bendang now saw that the cost was his autonomy. He was furious that even for his own medical treatment, he had no say.

Filled with self-reproach for letting his wife down, Bendang resolved to cancel the trip unless Aosenla could accompany him. Although he would not state his true reasons, he decided to begin his long-postponed physiotherapy at home instead, as a passive form of resistance. He realized that his father’s overbearing influence had stunted his ability to make important life decisions and had turned him into a timid man.

The Unexpected Stroke and the Patriarch’s Death

However, the internal conflicts of the family were interrupted when, in the middle of the night, the father suffered a stroke and had to be rushed to the local hospital. Due to the lack of proper equipment, he was transferred to the army hospital with the help of Bendang’s contacts. Though he initially responded to treatment, he suffered another massive stroke and fell into a coma. He remained unconscious for over a week and died early on a Sunday morning.

The funeral, held the next day, was a major event attended by many influential people. The deceased had played a key role in shaping the development and status of the town, and his influence had touched many lives. For the family, his death left a profound void. He had always controlled, guided, and shaped their lives, sometimes forcefully.

Bendang’s Reflections and New Resolve

Among all the siblings, Bendang felt the most lost. Unlike his brothers and sisters, who had secure government jobs, he had always depended on his father’s power to navigate life’s challenges. He reflected on the way his father had handled past crises, including the time Bendang had impregnated a village girl in his youth. His father had resolved the matter quietly, protecting the family’s reputation. Later, when Bendang was involved with another woman, his father had once again intervened and orchestrated a marriage with Aosenla. Though the union turned out well, it was still a result of the father’s manipulation.

Now, following his father’s death, Bendang recognized that he needed to step up and assume the leadership role within the family. He realized that he was no longer bound by the same rules and obligations that constrained his siblings. The thought of finally having agency and responsibility lifted his spirits. He eagerly awaited the end of the mourning period so he could prove to everyone-especially Aosenla-that he was capable of leadership.

Aosenla’s Quiet Struggles and New Responsibilities

When Bendang informed Aosenla about postponing the trip, she remained silent, knowing he was upset due to his father’s intervention. Though this change gave her no joy, it altered her own plans-plans to resolve the matter of the little girl during his absence. Now that he stayed, her fear and helplessness returned. Shortly after, the mourning period ended, and visiting relatives departed, leaving Aosenla to manage the household and care for her grieving mother-in-law. The formerly authoritative matriarch had aged rapidly and was now a shadow of herself, repeating in despair that she was a widow and questioning how she would survive. Aosenla compassionately took charge-supervising the home, encouraging the servants, personally attending to the old woman’s hygiene and meals. However, grief overwhelmed the mother-in-law, who would reject food that reminded her of her late husband, making it clear to Aosenla that the old woman’s dependence on him had rendered her deeply lost after his death.

Bendang’s Uncharacteristic Assertiveness

When her efforts failed to console her mother-in-law, Aosenla turned to Bendang, who surprisingly suggested they consult Kilang, the doctor. He added that he would speak to Kilang about both the postponed trip and arranging physiotherapy from Jorhat. Aosenla noticed a new energy in her husband-so different from his previous lethargy-but didn’t dwell on it. Kilang, despite harboring resentment toward the deceased father, agreed to visit, knowing he needed to discuss the little girl with Aosenla. When Kilang arrived, he found Bendang taking charge of the household and sternly managing the children. Bendang relayed his travel plans, asked Aosenla to explain the mother-in-law’s condition, and made clear, executive decisions, impressing Kilang with his sudden transformation. Kilang offered to arrange the physiotherapy enthusiastically, seeing hope in Bendang’s initiative after a period of mourning.

Aosenla’s Private Decision and Inner Conflict

After tea, when Bendang excused himself due to fatigue, Kilang seized the opportunity to bring up the child’s case. Aosenla responded carefully, asking for time and promising to visit the Home the next day. As he mentioned the child’s wellbeing, his fondness for the baby became evident. Aosenla, after updating him on her mother-in-law’s health, withdrew to her room, requesting solitude. She needed time to think about the child’s future. The previous weeks had been chaotic-from planning the aborted trip to the death of her father-in-law and now the emotional toll of caretaking. Deep in thought, Aosenla feared that if she confronted Bendang about his illegitimate granddaughter, he might deny everything and demand her removal from the Home. This conflicted with Aosenla’s desire to monitor the girl’s welfare.

Aosenla’s motivations were increasingly complex. Besides concern for the child and her daughters’ future, she was slowly developing a sense of moral duty. Her emotions were evolving from anger and betrayal toward cautious consideration. She feared that acting vindictively could damage her daughters’ lives. Her clarity led to a significant transformation-Aosenla began shedding her submissive persona and emerging as a decisive, wise woman who understood life’s ambiguity. With the child’s presence symbolizing a rupture in her marriage, Aosenla compared herself to a solitary canoe in the vast sea, grasping for light. Yet, the turmoil helped her decide: her marriage and daughters’ future were worth swallowing her pride.

Strategizing for the Baby’s Future

Ironically, the person who caused this crisis-Bendang-remained unaware of the growing storm. He focused on physical recovery, still wanting to appear strong, oblivious that his wife now viewed him differently. Their marriage persisted externally, but emotionally, they were deeply divided. Aosenla accepted the constraints of social expectation and chose secrecy to protect the baby. She devised a plan: the baby would be described as having been brought to the Home after her mother’s death, with grandparents unwilling to care for her. Kilang was to say the grandfather consented to adoption. This narrative would conceal the child’s true identity. With the plan in place, Aosenla finally rested peacefully.

Naming the Baby and Strengthening Control

The next day at the Home, Aosenla appeared composed. After buying medicine, she addressed the child’s status. She asked Kilang what the girl’s name was, surprising him. When he had no answer, she proposed “Tiajungla,” meaning “child with a good fate” in Ao. Kilang approved. With that, Aosenla instructed Kilang on how to present the child’s background to staff and ensured her own name stayed disconnected. She would finance the child’s upkeep and requested that news of her being available for adoption remain withheld-for now. Her final words hinted at deeper intentions, leaving Kilang puzzled.

Kilang’s Growing Fascination and Unease

After Aosenla’s departure, Kilang reflected on the transformation he had witnessed in her. No longer timid, she had grown assertive, impressing and unsettling him. He wondered why she was so invested in the child who symbolized her husband’s betrayal. Her decision to delay the adoption announcement made him suspicious-did she plan to adopt the baby herself? Though her actions intrigued him, he recognized he must cooperate with her for now. Yet, he felt increasingly pulled into her orbit, a feeling that filled him with dread.

Kilang and Bendang: A Relationship of Practical Solidarity

In sharp contrast to Kilang’s emotionally layered interactions with Aosenla, his dealings with Bendang were grounded in pragmatism and mutual respect. It was through Kilang’s recommendation that a physiotherapist came into Bendang’s life – a decision born not out of convenience, but a long-standing bond of trust. The physiotherapist in question was Dr Khagen Bora, a man Kilang had first met during his post-graduate studies in Medicine at Dibrugarh Medical College.

Khagen had been a fellow postgraduate student, having opted for physiotherapy. During their time at the hostel, they developed a close friendship that continued across the years. Khagen eventually established his clinic in Jorhat about five years prior to the events now unfolding. Though his clinic lacked an abundance of modern medical gadgets, this apparent shortcoming was more than made up for by his dedication, insight, and motivational prowess. He was particularly skilled at helping patients remain engaged in their recovery processes.

Khagen had developed a distinctive philosophy – he impressed upon his patients that pain was not to be feared, but accepted as an essential part of healing. Pain, he believed, was the first indication of recovery, a sign that the body was reawakening. This notion both fascinated and impressed Kilang, who had once spent several days with Khagen and observed his methods closely.

Compelled by curiosity, Kilang once asked his friend how he had learned to integrate psychology into physiotherapy, blending physical manipulation with salves, and employing traditional medicine sourced from herbs and roots. It was then that Khagen unfolded the story of his grandfather – a village healer with no formal education, only a deep-rooted practice developed through life and observation.

As a child, Khagen often visited his grandfather’s village and witnessed firsthand the stream of villagers who came with ailments. The grandfather, though wise, would sometimes direct them to the government hospital when he felt his own skills insufficient. But the villagers were persistent. Even when advised to go elsewhere, they would plead for his healing touch or one of his herbal remedies. This respect was not monetarily compensated; instead, grateful patients brought offerings – vegetables, eggs, rice, and on rare occasions, poultry.

These visits planted the seed of inspiration in young Khagen. His desire to study medicine began during his high school years and solidified over time. He recalled to Kilang a poignant moment from his childhood that served as a turning point. One evening, while they were seated on a verandah drinking tea, Khagen told Kilang:

“You know, once I asked grandfather where he learnt to heal people. He smiled and said that it all started with a puppy.”

“A puppy?” Kilang asked, surprised.

“Yes, a puppy,” Khagen continued. His grandfather had been followed home one day by a stray pup after school. The family tried to shoo it away, but it refused to leave and soon became his constant companion. One day, a larger dog attacked the puppy. It suffered a dislocated leg and was bleeding profusely. The little boy carried the injured animal home in tears, refusing comfort or consolation. Insisting on help, he persuaded his father to take the puppy to the village healer.

The memory of that event lived vividly in the grandfather’s mind. When the healer placed his hands on the animal’s leg and gently reset it, the puppy, moments later, sprang from the boy’s arms and began to trot again. That miraculous recovery kindled the boy’s lifelong passion. “It was almost like magic,” the grandfather would say, eyes shining.

That event inspired the young boy to visit the healer’s house daily, eventually learning from him. The grandfather, in turn, passed on this love for healing to his grandson. “I’m sure that grandfather would have been very proud of me if he were alive today,” Khagen said. He had once asked his grandfather how he healed so many people without formal education, and the reply had stayed with him forever: “Dear grandson, I’ll tell you a secret. If you want to heal a body, heal the mind first.”

Kilang listened to the story with a deep sense of admiration, filled with renewed respect and pride for his friend.

Bendang’s Therapy Begins

When Dr Khagen Bora arrived at Bendang’s home, he was immediately well received by everyone due to his warm, unpretentious manner. Without wasting time, he set up his equipment in a spare room and informed Bendang that therapy would commence the very next day.

There was a quiet authority about him – a presence that commanded confidence. Bendang sensed this and responded to it, albeit cautiously. When the sessions began, the pain was unbearable. His muscles, long unused and stiff, rebelled against the exertion. Though his fractured bones had healed, his body was unresponsive. Even the first step, taken with the support of a rail, brought such agony that Bendang cried out, clutching his back in despair.

But Dr Bora was unwavering. He acknowledged the pain without indulging it. “One more step,” he said calmly. That first day, Bendang managed only four steps before refusing to go further. Bora didn’t push – he merely noted, “Massage time, 5 o’clock.”

What comforted Bendang was the privacy. Only the nurse and the doctor witnessed his struggle. Aosenla was not allowed in the room, sparing him the shame of being seen in a helpless state. The doctor was strict with the schedule and immune to excuses. Over time, despite the alternating cycles of pain and relief, Bendang’s body began to show signs of progress. Hope returned – slowly but surely – as he realized that each painful session brought him closer to reclaiming mobility. Determination took root. He vowed to conquer the pain, step by step.

Aosenla noticed the change. His eyes held a new spark of resolve. The children noticed too, and their interest in his rehabilitation grew, though the physiotherapy room remained off-limits. While Bendang pushed himself within closed doors, the girls played freely outside.

Aosenla’s Private Dilemma

Yet for Aosenla, this period was defined by more than her husband’s recovery. Her life had become a delicate balancing act  a double existence. Outwardly, she was the dutiful wife, mother, and daughter-in-law. Inwardly, she carried the weight of secrets, half-truths, and suppressed realities.

Her hard-earned individuality now felt compromised by the roles she had to perform. To keep her inner world hidden, she often resorted to evasive tactics. She feared a slip of the tongue might expose the carefully maintained façade of family normalcy. These were not choices she celebrated  merely the compromises required by a society obsessed with decorum and appearances.

The Doctor’s Subtle Method

Meanwhile, in the physiotherapy room, Dr Bora continued his work – not just on the body, but the mind. He was probing, gently but deliberately. During breaks, he would start conversations, coaxing Bendang into reflection. One day, he asked about the accident – who was driving, what caused it, whether alcohol was involved.

Bendang answered easily at first. He was the driver. The car was in good condition. But when asked about alcohol, he became evasive. No, he wasn’t drunk – just a few beers with friends. What he failed to mention was the whiskey earlier. Khagen said nothing, but his silence conveyed doubt. Feeling exposed, Bendang snapped: “Ok, so what if we had drunk a little whiskey earlier?”

Khagen only smiled and said, “Now you know what happens when you do that.” They never returned to the topic again. Instead, their conversations drifted to shared interests, particularly cars.

Bendang eventually confessed that what hurt him most was the fear that he would never drive again. The doctor listened without replying with comfort. Instead, he talked about the latest car models on the market. It was a subtle strategy – a way to rekindle passion, to set a goal.

The effect was immediate. Bendang asked for car magazines. He studied them obsessively. One morning, he declared that he wanted to buy a new car and asked Dr Bora to contact a dealer in Jorhat. But the doctor was firm. “Not yet,” he said. The patient’s coordination still needed work.

Though disappointed, Bendang accepted the challenge. Therapy continued with renewed vigour.

Changes Within the Household

During this period, Aosenla’s perception of her mother-in-law shifted. The woman who once seemed formidable and judgmental now evoked pity. Their roles were reversing. The old woman confided in Aosenla, even revealing where she hid her saved money – usually in drawers or shoeboxes. She offered some to Aosenla, who gently refused.

Once, Aosenla was tempted to accept a bundle, needing to send money for Ajungla. But she resisted and helped the old woman hide the cash again. It dawned on her how childlike the woman had become. Aosenla began to reconsider her past judgments, wondering whether her mother-in-law had ever been privy to family secrets – the ones about the cover-up and payoffs. Likely not, she thought. It wasn’t in her husband’s nature to share such matters.

Meanwhile, Kilang remained distant. Their interactions, though frequent due to the mother-in-law’s care, were not intimate. She noticed his distracted air and attributed it to lingering illness. But other concerns soon claimed her focus. She knew that a decision regarding Ajungla’s future loomed, and it would require a serious conversation with Kilang.

Recovery and Departure

Bendang’s therapy was progressing well. He could now walk, slowly, with a cane. He was eating better. The lacerations on his face, though faint, would never vanish. The red Maruti 800 –  chosen at the daughters’ insistence – was symbolic of recovery. It sat gleaming in the compound, a visual promise of normalcy.

Khagen had become a friend. The therapy had gone beyond the body. It had rejuvenated the mind and restored purpose. He was not formally trained in psychology, yet he intuitively understood trauma and healing. His methods worked.

The time came for Khagen to leave. He was satisfied with his work, well paid, and emotionally enriched. Bendang was sad to see him go, but ready. Hariba would continue the sessions.

As the jeep rolled away, Khagen turned and called out, “Hey, Bendang, bring your family in that red toy of yours to my house during the Pujas; I would like to try it out myself.” With a mock salute, he drove away. The Pujas were two months away – a deadline set with care.

The Implications of Dr. Bora’s Departure

She reflects that, had the baby not entered their lives, she could have accepted any decision Bendang made. However, the presence of the child, whom she had helped shelter at the Home, complicates her emotional state. The child’s existence and her own role in caring for it make it difficult to return to the earlier marital dynamic. She no longer feels assured of her emotional control should they resume living together.

The departure of Dr. Bora from the household initiates an inevitable transition. For Aosenla, the pressing concern is whether her husband Bendang would choose to return to their shared bedroom or continue residing in his rehabilitation room. This decision is not merely logistical; it represents a deeper tension in their relationship. Aosenla is conflicted. She wonders whether she would welcome his return to the bedroom, which has since become her private refuge. More crucially, she questions whether she could or should oppose his return if he desired it. This uncertainty surrounding their attitudes toward each other leads to a different kind of crisis for her.

Emotional and Psychological Tensions

As she contemplates this dilemma, her anxiety intensifies. The loss of her child had been traumatic, but she had coped with it as a personal tragedy. In contrast, the present crisis involves multiple people, most of whom are unaware of the true situation. Some, like Bendang’s father and the little girl’s mother, are no longer present. Bendang, on the other hand, lives under the illusion that all is well. Now that he is physically recovered, he might seek to reclaim his role in the household, expecting a complete reinstatement as husband.

Sensing her reluctance, Bendang avoids addressing the subject of returning to the bedroom. Meanwhile, Aosenla distracts herself with a large renovation project for both houses, beginning with their own. During a family meeting convened by her, the old mother-in-law surprisingly supports her proposal. The daughters begin discussing room colour schemes, effectively excluding Bendang from the conversation. The gathering ends pleasantly, with refreshments and casual interactions.

Later, Bendang joins Aosenla in their former room while she is sorting clothes. He holds her hands and offers to fund the renovation, on the condition that their room is done first so he can move back in. This catches her off guard, and though annoyed, she conceals it and responds mildly. After he leaves, she feels a mix of temporary relief and dread. The room will be ready in two weeks, but she worries about sharing the space with a man she no longer perceives as the same. His image is irreparably tarnished in her mind, and pretending everything is fine seems unbearable. She spends the evening restless and refuses dinner, claiming a headache.

Renovations and Resistance

The renovation proceeds quickly. The house becomes filled with workers and tools, resembling a disorganised festival. The smaller house is completed first, after which the workers move to the bigger house. There, trouble arises. The old mother-in-law refuses them entry, fearing the loss of valuables. She bolts the doors and shouts at the workers. In response, Aosenla instructs them to paint only the exterior. Though initially resistant, they comply reluctantly, even expressing antagonism toward the old woman.

Once renovations conclude, Aosenla faces the unavoidable moment of Bendang’s return. She resolves not to initiate any action, waiting for him to make the first move. She continues her daily responsibilities with dutiful attention, maintaining the façade of a committed wife and daughter-in-law. Only at night does her inner turmoil surface, and she lies awake alone, anxious about the future.

Her rational mind urges her to compromise for the sake of her daughters. Although she resists, a sudden realisation strikes her. Her elder daughter Chubala will soon leave for college, and her younger daughter Narola is also preparing to move out. The thought of living alone with Bendang unsettles her deeply. She does not understand the source of her fear but recognises its gravity. She begins mentally preparing for this eventuality.

A Return Without Ceremony

When Bendang finally returns to the bedroom, there is no drama. It occurs on an ordinary evening after the daughters bid goodnight and retire. Aosenla is enjoying the peace when she hears a knock. To her dismay, it is Bendang. Without invitation, he enters, nods, and takes his usual side of the bed, wishing her goodnight without further words. His silent assertion communicates that the decision to return was his alone.

For Aosenla, this moment feels like a distorted version of their first night. There is no excitement or emotional anticipation. She completes her own routines and lies down silently, pondering the altered reality of their relationship. She remains awake long after he falls asleep, questioning how she will navigate life with a man she no longer truly knows and whose past has darkened their shared history.

The Household Reacts

Others in the household interpret Bendang’s return differently. It signifies his recovery, and with it, a return to normalcy. The household adapts quickly. His belongings are restored to the bedroom, and even the daughters treat the change as routine. Narola merely comments that she can now speak to both parents at once. The only person affected is Hariba, the male nurse, who correctly anticipates the end of his employment and departs with a generous bonus.

A notable addition to Bendang’s space is a collection of walking sticks, now displayed in a teakwood showcase beside his bed. Though he no longer needs them, he insists they remain in view, refusing to allow anyone to move them.

A Shift in Energy

Bendang’s return energises the household. The servants work more cheerfully, and the old mother-in-law becomes unusually active, taking renewed interest in domestic affairs. Her persistent complaints resume, though many are unfounded. Aosenla, instead of feeling irritated, finds herself curious about this transformation, attributing it to her husband’s recovery.

Her daughters respond in their own ways. Narola is openly pleased, while Chubala’s reaction is more complex. One afternoon, while Aosenla is sorting clothes, Chubala quietly enters and sits silently. Eventually, overcome with emotion, she begins to cry. Gently prompted by her mother, she admits that she had feared her parents would divorce, observing their changed behaviour and lack of closeness.

A Daughter’s Concern

Aosenla is deeply affected. Divorce had never entered her mind, despite all she had endured. Her daughter’s fear reveals how visibly strained the marriage had become. She reassures Chubala with a heartfelt promise that there will be no divorce. Relieved, the daughter shares her happiness that they are together again, and lightens the moment with a joke about her sister’s reluctance to part with old clothes. After she leaves, Aosenla reflects on the moment.

She is shocked by how perceptive her daughter has become and wonders whether Bendang himself is also aware of the emotional distance. She abandons her task, storing away the clothes and stepping into the garden to collect her thoughts. Everything in the garden appears in order, contrary to her mother-in-law’s complaints.

A Contemplation of Identity and Agency

Back in her room, Aosenla contemplates whether she can truly fulfil the promise she made to her daughter. She questions whether she can rebuild a semblance of balance with her husband. She has long felt that her life is not entirely her own. She is a fragment of a collective, expected to suppress personal desires for the family’s sake.

She also begins to question the reactions of others in the household. When she had recovered from her own medical crisis, was there a comparable sense of relief as shown during her husband’s recovery? She concludes it would be unfair to draw parallels, since his condition posed a more direct threat to the family. However, the thought lingers, suggesting an ongoing inner conflict about her place and value within the family.

Dr Kilang’s Unexpected Confession

After Bendang had nearly recovered from his illness, Dr Kilang paid him a visit one evening. During their conversation, he casually mentioned that certain individuals were causing trouble regarding the operation of the Home. Bendang was surprised by this and asked directly whether the issue concerned money or worker dissatisfaction. He expressed concern about how Kilang managed the Home’s expenses given that he relied on his personal resources and offered help, saying, “Tell me, how can I be of help?”

Kilang was initially taken aback by Bendang’s candid approach, especially since he had always known him to be reserved in social interactions. Now, however, he appeared to be more assertive and open. Faced with no one else to turn to, Kilang hesitantly began to share his concerns.

Though he tried to maintain a casual tone, Kilang’s distress was evident. A slight tremor in his voice betrayed the depth of his worry. Bendang, noticing this, gently encouraged him to speak freely. With this encouragement, Kilang regained composure and began to narrate his predicament in earnest.

He explained that the Home was built on land given by his father, a retired minor government official who received the land as a token of appreciation from his department. Although the plot was small and somewhat sloped, Kilang used it to establish the Home after investing his government salary savings. However, the ongoing operational expenses-staff salaries and medical supplies-far exceeded the minimal financial contributions from the patients and residents. He added that some tried to pay in kind, such as livestock, which was impractical. Even though some staff members agreed to deferred payments, he did not want them to suffer for his difficulties. Thus, he saw selling the Home as the only viable solution to repay his debts.

After revealing this, Kilang covered his face in shame, overwhelmed by the confession. Bendang observed him quietly. Though they had known each other for nearly two decades, they had never been close. Nonetheless, Bendang had always respected Kilang for his dedication to the underprivileged. He remembered disapproving of his wife Aosenla’s admiration for Kilang’s work and questioned whether that disapproval stemmed from jealousy or guilt over his own materialistic pursuits. Over time, however, Bendang had come to appreciate Kilang’s quiet strength and unwavering commitment.

Feeling moved, Bendang stood and tried to comfort the doctor. He declared, “Surely, nothing is lost yet and the Home is doing all right… I for one, will do anything to keep it going, and with you at the helm.” He promised to think of a way to ease Kilang’s burden. They then stepped outside for some air and tea. Kilang, visibly uncomfortable, did not finish his tea and soon excused himself.

Kilang’s Regret and Internal Turmoil

Returning home, Kilang was consumed by self-reproach. He was especially troubled by the fact that he had confided in Bendang, someone he had always maintained a professional distance from. Although doctor-patient relationships often evolved into friendships, that had not happened in their case. Their interactions had remained stiff, and Kilang felt that Bendang belonged to a social elite to which he did not.

He feared that by revealing his financial troubles, he had lowered himself further in Bendang’s eyes. Upon reflection, he realized with dismay that Bendang had responded with more academic interest than emotional concern. Initially, Bendang had expressed support for saving the Home, but when the conversation turned to land and property, he did not inquire about the fate of the residents if the Home were sold. His questions became increasingly focused on the land’s real estate value.

Convinced he had made a mistake, Kilang returned to his office and attempted to distract himself by organizing paperwork. In a moment of frustration, he almost threw a stack of papers out the window but stopped himself. Then a sudden and disturbing thought overtook him, causing him to laugh bitterly at what he called “the irony of it all.”

He recognized a cruel twist of fate: the man now contemplating the future of the Home was directly linked to a dark past that had once threatened to resurface in the form of a helpless child residing in the very same Home. The irony, as Kilang saw it, lay in the fact that he had been both an accomplice in covering up the past and now had confided in that same man, inadvertently giving him power over the Home’s future. Feeling foolish and anguished, Kilang fled the room, only to return to lock up for the night.

Morning Reflections and Emotional Detachment

The next morning, Kilang felt slightly better, remarking on how daylight could ease even the worst crises. Yet his relief was short-lived. He realized that throughout the night, his primary concern had been about his relationship with Bendang. He had scarcely thought about Aosenla, despite her deep involvement in the Home and the shared secret.

He questioned whether he had betrayed Aosenla by confiding in her husband. His attitude toward her had always been complex, marked by a mix of respect and a subtle sense of fear. He remembered a moment when he had sat too close to her in his office and the look in her eyes-blank and unreadable-had haunted him since. He berated himself for the impropriety of that moment and resolved to be more cautious in the future.

Despite his conflicted feelings, he knew that his future and his family’s survival depended on finding a solution that excluded Aosenla. He believed that distancing himself emotionally and socially from her was essential for maintaining propriety and stability. Reflecting on this, he mused, “So this is what the struggle for survival means,” as he continued planning how to save the Home.

Aosenla’s Distress and Bendang’s Calculations

Meanwhile, Aosenla sensed that something was troubling her husband when she found him alone in the drawing room. When she asked if he was well, he responded curtly, then softened and asked her not to wait up for dinner. This worried her. She wondered if Kilang had revealed the truth about the orphan’s identity. She feared being questioned by her husband and did not know whether she could lie to him. The shared secret now bound all three -Kilang, Aosenla, and Bendang-although for Bendang, the burden was not emotional. His involvement was strictly financial.

For Bendang, the Home represented a potential investment. He understood that without assistance, Kilang would be forced to sell it. But this realization did not disturb him. He approached the situation as a business problem, evaluating it through cost-benefit analysis. Once he decided the numbers were favorable, he was prepared to act.

That night, he went to bed without speaking to his wife, who had already positioned herself silently on her side of the bed.

Plans and Appraisals

The next morning, Aosenla stayed in bed, feeling unwell. When her daughters came to say goodbye before school, her eldest daughter Chubala reminded her of their planned visit to the tailor. This rekindled Aosenla’s sense of responsibility. She called the tailor and arranged the visit. Though still anxious, she looked forward to speaking with Kilang about the meeting with her husband.

While Aosenla kept herself busy, Bendang initiated his plan. He contacted a friend at the town’s only bank, where Kilang also held an account, and discreetly requested information about the doctor’s financial status. The report confirmed Kilang’s complete honesty. Next, Bendang obtained a property appraisal. He learned that although the Home was initially built in a remote area, urban expansion had transformed it into a central location. The land now held significant value with room for development.

This revelation delighted Bendang. He decided to offer Kilang a reasonable price for the Home and resolve his financial troubles. With his confidence renewed and his mind set, he prepared to approach Kilang without delay.

A Stranger with a Purpose

In the midst of quiet, everyday affairs, a stranger arrived in town, unnoticed by the principal players of the narrative. This man was Reverend David Ponraj, a clergyman based in Calcutta, who had traveled to this distant location specifically to verify the reputation of the Home, a charitable institution that had earned a name beyond the confines of the small town.

He was accompanied by Sunup Jamir, a former inmate of the Home, who had since trained at the Serampore seminary and become both an evangelist and a schoolteacher in a rural village of West Bengal. Their paths had crossed during a student gathering in Calcutta, where Sunup had spoken with deep emotion about the impact of Dr. Kilang’s Home.

“I am not the only one who has been helped by this servant of God; there are two more of my classmates who are studying medicine and will soon join Dr Kilang in his Home. Let us all pray for him and his Home because I’ve lately heard rumours that he is facing some financial problems. When I meet him, I shall tell him of your support.”

Moved by this testimony, Reverend Ponraj approached Sunup with curiosity. When he asked to learn more, Sunup responded with a disarming suggestion:

“Reverend, why don’t you come with me and see for yourself what this wonderful man is doing?”

The invitation struck the Reverend as sudden, almost daring, but he accepted. He recalled how a friend from Tamil Nadu had recently offered a donation to a humanitarian cause. Initially, he had dismissed the idea of directing that money outside his state. Now, seeing an opportunity, he considered what if this Home in Nagaland was indeed the worthy cause his friend sought.

A Transformative Journey

His decision made, the Reverend informed Sunup:

“I am coming with you to meet your Dr Kilang.”

Thus began a taxing, four-day journey by train and bus, which ended in a place that felt to him alien and disorienting. It was a world unlike his own, where even the interaction between genders, the language, and the environment seemed otherworldly. Still, he took time to adjust.

Upon meeting Dr. Kilang and listening to the story of how he had begun his Home with nothing but faith and resolve, the Reverend’s doubts dissolved. He was humbled.

“We, who go to seminaries and master doctrines and only preach, need to learn humility and sacrifice from such a person like Dr Kilang.”

He decided then and there that he would urge his Tamil Nadu friend to donate to the Home. But during the visit, neither man mentioned money or motives. The Reverend stayed quiet about his purpose, while Kilang accepted the visit as one of many and soon returned to his burdens.

Kilang’s Silent Struggles

Kilang was once again grappling with the strain of finances. Two weeks had passed since he had confided in Bendang, and there had been no follow-up from that quarter. While a small insurance policy had matured, allowing him to clear some critical medical expenses, the broader need remained unresolved.

He remembered Bendang’s words:

“Give me a few days and I will think of a way to lighten your burden.”

But those “few days” had stretched into nearly a month, and Kilang wrestled with pride and restraint.

“I’ll not go to him; I’ll not behave like a beggar. I am sure that God will show me a way this time too, as he has always done.”

Unspoken Tensions in the Household

In Bendang’s home, progress was equally stilled. Though the Home property remained promising, he hesitated to move forward or share the matter with his wife, Aosenla.

At home, Aosenla was overwhelmed with domestic responsibilities. She was preparing for their elder daughter Chubala’s departure, managing a moody younger daughter, and caring for an increasingly paranoid and ailing mother-in-law.

“I am looking after three children,” she would think, and correct herself, “no, not three, but four!“-including Bendang, whose recent emotional withdrawal added to her burden.

The Weight of a Secret

Yet deeper than the routine stress was a gnawing anxiety within Aosenla. The secret of the little girl at the Home troubled her. This child, Tiajungla, was tied to a past sin, possibly of her husband, and her own decision to involve Kilang in the cover-up weighed heavily on her conscience.

She repeatedly questioned herself.

“Why hadn’t she refused to have anything to do with the baby? Why did she involve Kilang at all, making him an accomplice in the cover-up…?”

She feared exposure not only for herself but also for her daughters. What would happen to them if the truth came out? Would Dr. Kilang judge her? Was this why he had approached her husband?

She maintained a façade of calm.

“…outwardly she was behaving like a loving mother, a caring wife and a dutiful daughter-in-law…but the real Aosenla was once again assailed by doubt…”

A Fraying World

In her brief moments of solitude, Aosenla realized that her once orderly world was unraveling. She had lived in emotional equilibrium, centered around her daughters, until the orphan child had arrived, bringing with her not only mystery but a threat to that carefully maintained order.

Most troubling of all was the guilt that she had entangled Dr. Kilang, a man of upright character, into this unresolved, hidden past. She dreaded the consequences of Tiajungla’s origins being revealed.

An Unannounced Visit and a Sudden Confrontation

The narrative begins with Kilang’s unexpected arrival at Aosenla’s doorstep, unannounced and uninvited. His presence elicits a visceral reaction from Aosenla, who withdraws in shock as though she has seen a ghost. “Doctor, if you walk away, I’ll never speak to you again,” she says urgently, halting him as he turns to leave. Kilang, bewildered and confused by her behavior, complies and enters the house.

Inside, they sit in tense silence before Kilang explains his purpose: “I came to meet you because I have some good news.” He recounts how, despite Aosenla’s earlier request to keep the adoption of the baby girl Tiajungla private, a mysterious woman had appeared at the Home, demanding the child. “She would take the baby, by force if need be,” he tells Aosenla, adding that the woman seemed to know about Tiajungla’s true parentage and threatened to act if the adoption was not formalized within a week.

Suspicions and Clarifications

Alarmed, Aosenla wonders aloud if the visitor could be the child’s grandmother-the woman Bendang had once abandoned. She questions Kilang about whether this was what he had discussed with her husband recently. He firmly denies any betrayal: “What I discussed with your husband has nothing to do with the baby.” Ashamed of her suspicion, Aosenla apologizes: “I am terribly sorry Doctor, for hurting your sentiments.” Kilang reassures her, urging her to come to the clinic the next day to resolve the adoption.

Domestic Madness and Inner Conflict

After Kilang departs, Aosenla is interrupted by her senile mother-in-law’s theatrics, a recurring episode where the old woman screams about an imaginary fire. Aosenla expertly manages the situation with tenderness and strategy, showing her calm resourcefulness. Yet emotionally, she is unraveling.

Alone again, she reflects on the emotional turmoil surrounding the adoption. Letting Tiajungla go seems logical, even necessary for her daughters’ future, as the child represents Bendang’s betrayal. But she finds herself strangely attached to the orphan. This child, abandoned and innocent, evokes her own feelings of isolation within an ostensibly perfect marriage. She had started associating this little girl’s situation with her own. The symbolic connection strikes a deep chord.

A Final Decision

Aosenla’s thoughts swirl through the night, culminating in a decisive resolve. She prioritizes the stability of her household. She meets Kilang and formalizes the adoption, ensuring the parents’ identities remain hidden. As she leaves, she glimpses the mysterious woman who might be the child’s biological grandmother, “staring at her intently.”

Lingering Attachments and Secret Farewells

Though she tries to rationalize detachment, Aosenla feels compelled to say a silent farewell to the child. She dispatches her maid with new clothes as a cover and secretly invites Kilang to visit while Bendang is away. His delayed arrival intensifies her anxiety. Finally, when he arrives, she anxiously awaits news.

Kilang confirms the adoption is complete: “Everything went off as you wanted.” He explains that a lawyer, hired by the grandmother, presented signed affidavits from the grandfather disclosing the child’s birth and lodging. The grandfather, haunted by dreams of his granddaughter, had eventually written to his estranged daughter.

The Name and the Legacy

Kilang, in a final act of quiet defiance and sentiment, added a personal condition: The name Tiajungla must always be a part of this girl’s name. The lawyer agreed, saying it was beautiful and apt for a child destined for a better future. Aosenla, moved, reflects: “I chose the name Tiajungla… because I believed that she had a good destiny.”

She thanks Kilang and prepares to conclude their deeply emotional relationship. “Let us always remain friends,” she says, touching his hand lightly-a subtle gesture of parting. Kilang understands this not just as closure but as an acknowledgment of his unspoken feelings.

Reflections and Inner Clarity

Back home, Kilang reflects on his emotional entanglement. A Christian, a family man, and a man of moral standing, he had developed deep, complex feelings for Aosenla. He recognizes now how close he had come to emotional compromise. He admires her strength, realizing – She had emerged the stronger of the two.

Aosenla’s Quiet Grief

Meanwhile, Aosenla is drained and contemplative. She remembers how a crisis had drawn her and Kilang together. Tiajungla became both a burden and a silent bridge between them. She and Kilang had truly been treading on quicksand. Now, with the child gone and the threat passed, she is ‘liberated’-but joyless. It feels like a beautiful interlude in her life had come to an end.

The Final Image: Disappearance into Normalcy

Tiajungla’s departure, though the pivot of so much upheaval, happens unnoticed and un-felt by most. Aosenla and Kilang return to their societal roles, maintaining silence about the girl who had stirred their deepest feelings. The storm has passed, and they are once more among the ranks of the ordinary- safer, but also lonelier.

Years later, they may still wonder about the girl, hoping they had helped launch her into a better life.

The Passage of Time and a New Home

The lives of Aosenla and Bendang continued at a steady pace. Bendang often pondered how Doctor Kilang managed his finances, especially with rumors circulating about foreign donations to the Home, but he kept his thoughts to himself. After about two and a half years, a new building was erected on his property, intended to be a home for the aged. The local people were curious about the foreign donors, but the individuals they saw visiting the Home appeared to them as people from Madras.

The State of the Old House

In the two houses, Aosenla was now the clear head of the household, her mother-in-law having passed away. On pleasant afternoons, Aosenla would sit on her verandah, looking at the large house with a sense of calm. The threatening atmosphere she once felt there was replaced by the play of shadows from the overgrown trees. She mentioned to Bendang that they needed to do something about the big house. Bendang simply told her to do whatever she thought best, and the matter was left untouched for over a year. The servants from the old house had departed, some with sadness, others with relief from the old woman’s strict rule. The house itself fell into disrepair, its paint fading, the roof leaking, and the compound becoming overgrown, giving it a neglected, almost gothic appearance. Aosenla seemed to ignore this decay, perhaps even finding some satisfaction in it, as she sat on her verandah reading letters from her daughters.

Aosenla’s Awakening and Action

One day, while reflecting on the past years, Aosenla looked at the dilapidated state of the big house and was struck by her own indifference. She questioned why she had become so detached from her surroundings. The ugliness of the neglected house seemed to accuse her of allowing it to happen. Feeling guilty and restless, she called for her old gardener and hurried to the front porch of the other house. Finding it dirty and neglected, she ordered the servants to clean it and instructed the gardener to hire laborers to clear the overgrown vegetation around the big house. This sudden activity invigorated her, giving her a sense of purpose she had not felt in a long time, as if she were reclaiming a control she had lost to lethargy.

The Difficult Task of Restoration

As the exterior of the big house was being cleared, the interior presented a more significant challenge. Paint was peeling, upholstery was dusty, furniture was grimy, and cobwebs blocked doorways. The roof had holes, causing leaks that made the wooden floors dangerous. Aosenla recalled how the servants had diligently maintained the house in the past. Apart from the foundation, the entire house was decaying. While laborers worked outside, Aosenla moved through the rooms in dismay at the extent of the damage. Bendang had refused to be involved in the renovation, leaving the entire responsibility to Aosenla. She was astonished by the rapid deterioration. Contemplating the enormity of the task, Aosenla entered the master bedroom. The dusty bed reminded her of her mother-in-law, and she remembered the times the old woman had offered her money from the drawers. Initially hesitant, she opened a drawer and found it empty. The next contained only frayed shawls. Closing it abruptly, she decided to stop her exploration for the day, but curiosity led her to a drawer under the bed. It was stuck. Feeling around, she discovered a rotted side and a loose strip preventing it from opening. With effort, the drawer came loose and fell, revealing rolls of old currency notes. Exhausted, Aosenla kicked the money, muttering, ‘So much for your secret hoarding, you old witch,’ and left the decaying room.

Reflection on the Past and Present

The renovation of the big house was completed in less than two months by hired workers. The garden was also revived. The house regained its former majestic appearance, reminiscent of the time when Aosenla’s mother-in-law ruled it. However, Aosenla knew that its power to intimidate her was gone. She had witnessed the destructive nature of time on both objects and lives. Comparing her own modest but sturdy cottage to the once imposing big house, she realized that appearances could be deceiving. Her seemingly invincible mother-in-law had become vulnerable after her husband’s death. Aosenla briefly wondered if the same fate awaited her, but she dismissed the thought and focused on her own household. She felt certain that she would never become like the old woman.

Aosenla’s Introspection and Realization

The restoration had a profound effect on Aosenla. She admired the skill of the workers in blending the old and new. The renovated house was both the same and different. This transformation led her to reflect on her own life since arriving at the compound as a resented bride. She questioned if any part of her timid former self remained. Had she ever truly owned herself? Who had she become? Looking at the restored house, no longer with fear but with a sense of triumph, she wondered about her role in her own transformation and in her family’s affairs.

Unanswered Questions and a New Perspective

Aosenla continued to ponder the purpose of her life beyond her roles as wife, mother, and daughter-in-law. She wondered if she had suppressed her essential self by constantly adjusting to the expectations of others. Sitting on her verandah, she often contemplated her true identity. Was she still the reluctant bride, the disappointing daughter-in-law, or the wife who once sought her husband’s love? She felt like an amalgamation of these imposed selves and longed to be free of them. But who would she be without them? Would she be stripped of her acceptable persona, revealing a diminished essential Aosenla? Inside her own house, she was the absolute mistress of her small world. Had she simply become another petty matriarch?

The Absence of Love and a Disturbing Question

Aosenla wondered where her dreams of charting her own destiny and her attempts to connect with her husband through love had gone. Had she even been capable of real love? She realized that the absence of this fundamental element had stunted her marriage and left an emptiness in her heart for years, yet it no longer troubled her. The lack of a strong emotional bond had paradoxically allowed her to tolerate her position as her husband’s possession. However, a disturbing question lingered: had she been remade like the old house, becoming what others wanted? Had she betrayed her true self?

Aosenla’s Analogy and Acceptance

The image of the restored house brought Aosenla a new understanding. She was like the old house, retaining an inner essence despite outward changes. The big house had symbolized authority, but even it could be diminished by time. If such a symbol could be ravaged, how could she, the frail Aosenla, remain untouched? Just as the old house had held onto its identity, she believed she had not relinquished her essential self despite the upheavals. She would remain true to herself. She also began to accept that one’s self is always shaped by circumstances. With this acceptance, she felt a sense of release.

The Passage of Years and Quiet Companionship

With each passing day, Aosenla’s hair grew greyer, her body more tired. She lost interest in the garden and the kitchen. Alone on the verandah, she pondered unanswerable questions about her identity. Occasionally, Bendang would join her in silent companionship as the day ended. Sometimes he would show her a fallen letter, which she would indicate she had already read. He might glance at it before returning to his study, or simply sit with her, lost in his own thoughts and memories.

Non-Communication and Drifting Apart

Aosenla’s wordless acknowledgement of the letter was typical of their noncommunication. Bendang sadly reflected on how they had drifted apart over the years, despite their attempts at a superficial cordiality. They both understood the other’s efforts. Though not deeply introspective, Bendang had long observed his wife’s moods and remained cautious of her whims. Lately, he had been considering if he had ever truly loved her, and what love actually was. In his quiet way, he was letting go of his inner negativity and trying to accept life as it was. He hoped for a time when he could feel closer to the woman he had long taken for granted.

Chubala’s Announcement and Aosenla’s Reaction

Then came a letter that bewildered Aosenla. Her daughter Chubala wrote that she would be bringing her boyfriend home during the winter break to introduce him to her parents. He was a fellow doctor from a good family, implying their approval. She mentioned that they considered themselves engaged since their second year of college and hoped her parents would accept her decision to marry him. Aosenla was initially happy but then became troubled. When had Chubala gotten a boyfriend? Engaged without their knowledge? Why no name or details about his family? Were they Christian or Hindu? Aosenla grew angry at her daughter’s presumption. She felt trapped by time, numbed by this news. What were they to do? She called out to Bendang to read the letter.

Bendang’s Acceptance and Aosenla’s Confusion

Bendang came out and read the letter, sighing. Aosenla demanded his opinion. He calmly replied that he did not know the young man or his family, but if Chubala had chosen him, he would accept him as their son-in-law. He reminded Aosenla that times had changed and their children were different. He asked her to understand that they lived in a different world now. Aosenla was speechless and baffled by her husband’s reaction. How had he changed so much? Instead of asserting his authority, he was allowing their daughter to make her own decision about marriage. Aosenla retreated to her room, locking the door, and recalled her own arranged marriage where her wishes were never considered. Now, the father was siding with the daughter.

Aosenla’s Reflection on Her Past

Aosenla felt excluded once again. But a voice within asked if she should not be happy for Chubala. Had she not longed for understanding from her own parents about her unwanted marriage? Her father had been unyielding, and she harbored a resentment towards her mother for not supporting her. Was she now repeating the same pattern? She felt trapped. Her husband’s words echoed in her mind: he would accept Chubala’s choice. And Aosenla was left fuming.

Aosenla’s Banishment and Bendang’s Predicament

Feeling slighted by Bendang’s modern attitude and his failure to support her initial reaction, Aosenla abruptly left the room. Bendang, anticipating her anger, asked for his tea on the verandah to delay the confrontation. The ‘storm’ came in the form of banishment. Aosenla sulked in bed for two days, refusing to eat and sending Bendang’s things to the guest room. He wandered the compound, eating alone, and the household was filled with gloom. Bendang was unsure how to handle his wife’s anger, or even why she was so angry. He resigned himself to more days of silence.

Fate’s Intervention and a Proposal

Unexpectedly, a delegation of town elders, including Kilang, came to meet Bendang. Aosenla reluctantly joined them. An elderly man, Kilang’s cousin, explained that their families had long been acquainted and proceeded to ask for Chubala’s hand in marriage for his son, Imliakum. He mentioned that Chubala and Imliakum were medical college classmates who had recently finished their exams and would be returning home for the winter holidays. He believed Chubala had already written to them about him. He also requested an early marriage due to his wife’s ill health. A stunned silence followed this direct proposal. Bendang looked at Aosenla for her response, but she remained silent. Taking her silence as possible rejection, Bendang thanked the delegation, saying they were honored but needed to consult their family and would reply soon. After refreshments, the delegation left, reiterating their request for a prompt answer.

Aosenla’s Change of Heart and Reconciliation

Aosenla left without a word, heading for the bedroom. Bendang hesitated to follow, thinking she needed time. The next day, he asked her to join him on the verandah, but it was Aosenla who broke the silence. She apologized for her behavior, admitting she had been mean and unreasonable. She expressed her happiness for Chubala and her eagerness to meet her future son-in-law, emphasizing that he would be their son-in-law, not just Bendang’s. She then began to laugh and cry at the same time. Bendang was surprised by her sudden change. Instead of a tirade, she was calm and excitedly discussing the wedding plans. He embraced her, an act of affection he had not shown in a long time and never in public. Aosenla became emotional, but before she could speak, Bendang quietly went to their bedroom, knowing he was back in her good graces. As he left, he said he would send their acceptance through his brother-in-law in a couple of days to avoid appearing too eager.

A New Beginning and Contentment

In the following days, Aosenla often sat on the verandah, reflecting on their life. She acknowledged that this marriage would maintain Kilang’s connection to their family, but she was no longer afraid, having moved into a new phase of her life. She smiled at the big house, feeling like a mother looking forward to a new beginning. She had let go of her resentments and was optimistic about the future. Her old aches and pains seemed to have disappeared. She called out to Bendang to join her for tea on the verandah. Returning to her chair, she sighed with happiness, seeing the beginning of mutual love in her daughter’s life. She could not fully understand Chubala’s feelings, having never experienced such love herself, but she found contentment in her daughter’s happiness, seeing it as a compensation for her own past deprivations. She also realized that Bendang, unlike her own father, was prioritizing their daughter’s happiness. When he joined her, she saw a slight smile on his face and greeted him with a wondering question: was this truly the man she had been forced to marry? As they had tea, Bendang noticed the carefully laid-out tea set and the freshly laundered linen. Looking at his wife’s calm face, he thought he was seeing the woman he had married, wondering where this side of her had been hidden. Aosenla might eventually realize that her search for her true self had been a process of adapting to her circumstances. But now, with a new understanding between her and Bendang, based on their shared love and concern for Chubala, a balance had emerged. She was free from her past insecurities and content, at ease with herself and with her husband.

THEMATIC CONCERNS

1. Patriarchy as Socio-Cultural Structure

Temsula Ao’s Aosenla’s Story takes place in a society that is shaped by strong patriarchal values. In the Naga community, male authority dominates all areas of life, both public and private. This system influences family relationships, religious practices, political councils, and interpersonal interactions. Women are systematically excluded from important decision-making roles, such as participation in village councils or inheritance matters. Their roles are defined primarily as domestic, subservient, and reproductive.

Aosenla’s personal experience reflects this larger social structure. Her father decides whom she will marry without consulting her. His action demonstrates a widespread belief that a woman’s life decisions should be made by the men in her family. Scholars such as Banerji and Banerji (2018) argue that this decision is not simply a personal one, but rather a reflection of how deeply rooted male dominance is in traditional thought. Patriarchal authority is passed down and accepted as part of cultural normalcy, rather than being questioned or critically examined.

This example reveals that the dynamics of male control within the family mirror the broader organization of patriarchal society, as Payel and Chowdhury (2019) have observed.

2. Internalized Patriarchy and Female Complicity

The novella shows that patriarchy is not maintained by men alone. Women, particularly elder women, also participate in upholding and continuing these oppressive systems. Aosenla’s grandmother is an example of this phenomenon. Although she too has been shaped by the same gender norms, she encourages Aosenla to accept her marriage and adapt to her husband. She tells her granddaughter to “make a man of her husband,” suggesting that enduring hardship is a woman’s duty.

This behavior reflects what is often described as internalized patriarchy. Saha (2019) explains that women who have lived within oppressive systems may adopt the values of those systems and pass them on to younger generations. Payel and Chowdhury (2019) further note that older women in traditional societies often serve as custodians of cultural values. In doing so, they may unintentionally reinforce gender inequality under the guise of preserving family honor or cultural heritage.

This process creates a cycle in which patriarchy is reproduced across generations, not only by men, but also by women who have accepted these norms as natural or necessary.

3. Marriage as a Patriarchal Institution

In the novella, marriage is presented not as a loving and equal partnership, but as a social arrangement designed to serve male interests. Aosenla is married to Bendang, a much older man with questionable morals. This marriage is not based on her consent or emotional connection. Instead, it is arranged to improve her family’s social status.

Through this union, Aosenla loses her personal agency. Her identity becomes secondary to her husband’s ambitions and reputation. She is treated more as a possession than as a partner. This objectification becomes especially clear when Bendang offers her to a business associate in order to gain an advantage in a deal. This disturbing moment, as noted in critical reviews, represents a form of sexual bartering that reveals the depths of her commodification.

Saha (2019) identifies this incident as a key moment in the novel, illustrating how the female body is treated as a tool for male economic gain. In this view, marriage becomes another mechanism through which patriarchal society removes a woman’s control over her life and body.

1. Suppression and Silencing

Throughout the novel, Aosenla is taught to remain silent. This silence is not simply a personal habit, but a requirement of the patriarchal culture she lives in. From childhood, she learns that expressing her thoughts or opinions is discouraged. As a wife, she is expected to obey without question. These expectations are imposed by both her family and the larger society.

Silence in this context serves several functions. It is a form of survival, a symptom of trauma, and eventually, a place where Aosenla finds inner strength. Banerji and Banerji (2018) argue that her silence becomes a space where she reflects, endures, and slowly begins to build the ability to resist.

Silence in this narrative should not be interpreted as weakness. Rather, it represents a form of power that is hidden and delayed. It is full of pain, but also full of potential for transformation, as suggested by View of Emergence (2025).

2. Sexual Violence and Bodily Trauma

The novel directly confronts the issue of sexual violence. As a child, Aosenla is sexually abused, but her trauma is ignored by those around her. No one addresses the incident, which reflects a cultural tendency to silence and overlook such experiences. Later in life, her marriage brings further forms of sexual violence. Her husband disregards her consent and exercises sexual control over her.

Her third pregnancy ends in miscarriage, followed by a medical procedure that removes her uterus. This physical trauma symbolizes the violent loss of reproductive autonomy and personal agency. Saha (2019) explains that this event highlights how patriarchal systems harm women by asserting control over their bodies.

The narrative’s depiction of bodily trauma is not only personal. It is also a commentary on how society systematically denies women the right to control their own bodies, as reflected in critical analysis from Review (2018).

3. Reclaiming Voice and Dignity

Despite many years of enforced silence, Aosenla eventually finds a way to speak out. When she is falsely accused of being unfaithful, she defends herself using the traditional laws of her clan. These same structures once contributed to her oppression, but she now uses them to reclaim her dignity.

This moment marks a significant change in the narrative. According to Banerji and Banerji (2018), Aosenla’s decision to use cultural tools in her defense represents a powerful act of self-possession. She does not reject tradition entirely, but reshapes it to seek justice on her own terms.

This act is not simply a personal victory. It signals the development of a more confident and resilient identity.

1. Psychological Evolution and Feminine Identity

Aosenla’s transformation is gradual and rooted in her psychological development. She begins the story as a sheltered and obedient young woman. However, through emotional hardship and careful self-reflection, she becomes an independent and thoughtful individual.

Her journey reflects the emergence of a “New Woman” figure. This concept refers to a woman who is intellectually conscious, emotionally resilient, and morally grounded. Rather than relying on external revolution, Aosenla embodies quiet persistence and emotional intelligence (View of Emergence, 2025). Payel and Chowdhury (2019) emphasize that her change represents a deep form of self-redefinition that arises through endurance.

2. Resistance Through Emotional Withdrawal

Aosenla does not confront her husband in loud or public ways. Instead, she chooses emotional withdrawal as a method of resistance. She refuses to engage with him on emotional or physical terms. This withdrawal limits his ability to dominate her psychologically.

Banerji and Banerji (2018) describe this behavior as a powerful feminist strategy. By refusing to participate in a relationship that denies her dignity, Aosenla protects her inner self and undermines her husband’s authority.

3. Education and Aspiration as Liberation

Aosenla dreams of education as a young girl. However, her father stops her from pursuing further studies, believing that girls do not need academic success. This moment reflects a societal attitude that restricts women’s intellectual development.

Later in life, Aosenla makes sure that her daughters do not face the same limitations. She insists that they complete their education. Her eldest daughter becomes a doctor, a powerful fulfillment of Aosenla’s lost ambitions.

Payel and Chowdhury (2019) interpret this achievement as a sign of intergenerational progress. Education, in this context, becomes a tool for both personal and social transformation.

1. Sacrificial Womanhood and Emotional Burden

Aosenla does not remain in her marriage because of affection. She stays because she wants to protect her children from emotional harm. She becomes the emotional center of the family, quietly absorbing the pain caused by her husband’s actions.

This depiction of emotional labor highlights the hidden responsibilities women often carry. Saha (2019) points out that women are frequently expected to maintain family unity through personal sacrifice, even when they receive no recognition for their efforts.

2. Motherhood as Empowerment

While motherhood is often portrayed as limiting, in Aosenla’s Story it becomes a source of power. Aosenla chooses to care not only for her own children but also for the illegitimate child of her husband. This decision reflects her strong moral character.

Her approach to motherhood shows that care and compassion can also be acts of resistance. View of Emergence (2025) argues that through her maternal role, Aosenla asserts leadership and initiates meaningful change within her household.

3. Changing Female Roles Across Generations

Aosenla ensures that her daughters have access to education and freedom that she herself was denied. This decision breaks the cycle of submission and opens new possibilities for the next generation.

Her efforts represent a quiet but meaningful revolution. By empowering her daughters, she reshapes traditional gender roles and challenges societal expectations (Payel and Chowdhury, 2019).

1. Symbolism of Confinement

The physical spaces in the story carry symbolic meaning. Places such as the kitchen, the bedroom, and the hospital reflect Aosenla’s emotional states. As her physical world becomes more confined, her emotional strength and inner awareness grow.

Banerji and Banerji (2018) explain that this symbolic use of space shows the contrast between external limitations and internal empowerment.

2. Silence, Rooms, and Emotional Transition

Most of Aosenla’s important emotional changes take place in small, enclosed spaces. These spaces serve as private locations where she can reflect, mourn, and rebuild her sense of self.

Saha (2019) suggests that silence and physical enclosure become metaphors for the psychological journey of transformation.

3. Freedom as Internal Autonomy

Aosenla does not escape her social world. Instead, she redefines her place within it. She no longer seeks validation from her husband or others. Her sense of freedom comes from within.

Banerji and Banerji (2018) argue that this emotional independence is the most powerful form of liberation the novel presents.

1. Ethnographic Detailing and Cultural Entrapment

Temsula Ao includes detailed descriptions of Naga customs, rituals, and social structures. These details serve both as cultural record and as critique. While these traditions are important for identity, the novel also shows how they can limit women’s freedom.

Ao’s portrayal highlights the double role of tradition. It preserves cultural identity but can also reinforce gender-based control (Ao, 2009).

2. Feminist Parallels and Theoretical Alignments

The novella reflects ideas found in the works of feminist thinkers such as Simone de Beauvoir and Kate Millett. For example, Beauvoir’s idea of woman as the “Other” is evident in how Aosenla is treated. Her worth is often defined through her relationships with men.

Saha (2019) explains that patriarchy operates through structural norms and psychological conditioning. These systems are not always enforced violently, but are often internalized and reinforced through everyday practices.

Aosenla’s Story offers no grand rebellion but instead reveals the power of quiet transformation. Aosenla survives, reflects, and redefines herself within a system designed to suppress her.
Her journey affirms that dignity can be reclaimed through resilience, agency, and emotional sovereignty (Review, 2018; Banerji & Banerji, 2018).

Ao, T. (2009). Aosenla’s story. In These Hills Called Home: Stories from a War Zone (pp. 49–63). Zubaan.

Banerji, M., & Banerji, M. (2018, February 8). Aosenla’s Story: Traversing Through Self-Doubt And Power Dynamics. Feminism in India. https://feminisminindia.com/2018/02/09/aosenlas-story-book-review/

A Personal Review – Temsula Ao’s book “Aosenla’s Story.” (2025). MorungExpress. https://morungexpress.com/personal-review-temsula-aos-book-aosenlas-story

View of Emergence of New Women with Reference to Temsula Ao’s Aosenla’s Story. (2025). Shanlaxjournals.in. https://www.shanlaxjournals.in/journals/index.php/sijash/article/view/7868/7090

Saha, P. (2019). The Politics of Life: A Re-reading of Aosenla’s Story by Temsula Ao. In International Journal of Research and Analytical Reviews. https://www.ijrar.org/papers/IJRAR19K9842.pdf

Payel, D., & Chowdhury. (2019). WOMEN IN THE AO-NAGA FAMILY AND COMMUNITY: A STUDY OF TEMSULA AO’S AOSENLA’S STORY. An International Journal of English Language, VIII(44829). https://interactionsforum.com/images/pdfs/newacademia/v8/i1/Payel.pdf

Review: Caught in a Spider’s Web: A Journey from Innocence Towards a Fraught Independence: A Journey from Innocence Towards a Fraught Independence on JSTOR. (2018). Jstor.org. https://doi.org/10.2307/26792331

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